Father Notes: Patience

It's been a little under two years since my daughter asked to try to ride a bike.  Lately, she has witnessed more and more of her friends getting proficient at riding, and I think it finally piqued her curiosity enough to give it another go.

My wife told me, "You better put those training wheels back on for a minute.  It's been a long time."  So, I listened as my wife is often smarter than I am about these things.  I tend to be more of a "full speed ahead" type when it comes to teaching my daughter things.  So, I sat on the floor of the garage and I reattached the training wheels to my daughter's now undersized bike.  We took it for a spin down the road and back, but she kept saying she was scared, that the rattle of the training wheels was unnerving her.

So I went back to the garage and set about undoing the training wheels from the tiny bike.  I was worried that this would be another excuse, another false start toward getting her to do something I REALLY want her to be able to do.  I could feel myself already starting to push, to get short and sharp in my tone.  I wanted her to do this.

With the training wheels off the bike, I set off down the driveway where my daughter sat on the curb looking nervous.  I stood there with the two-wheeler and looked down at her.  "What's going on?"  I asked.

"I'm scared."

"I know you are, honey." I said. "I don't expect you to not be scared.  It's what we do with our fear that is important.  Someone once said, and I can't remember who, 'Courage isn't the absence of fear.  It is moving ahead anyway, even though you are afraid.'" (Sorry, Nelson Mandela, for the horrible misquote).

"Okay," came her soft reply.  "But you won't let go, right?"

"Right," I said.  I worried a little about this because most parents realize that there comes a point where this is going to be a lie.  If she starts doing it on her own, I will let go.  I will let her take off on her own, even if that means she crashes a couple of feet from my open hand.

Shea did great though.  She got back on the bike, and within 50 or so feet, I wasn't holding the bike anymore.  My hand was resting against her at the back of the seat, but my fingers were not clenched there.  I was providing no guidance, no direction with it.  I simply rested my hand at her back and watched her go.

For anyone who has gone through this moment as a parent, you'll understand the joy of it, the upswelling of pride as you see your child physically mastering a new skill.  Shea rode "unassisted" for a couple of seconds each time before I clenched back down and kept her from falling off sideways, but I could see her gaining more encouragement.

Finally, she got on the bike, pushed off, started pedaling, and I let go.  I let go, let go.  I allowed my hand to fall to my side.  Shea rode for about 10-15 seconds before putting her feet down and bringing herself to an awkward stop.

She turned to look at me about 10 feet behind her with my hands in the air and a smile on my face.  Then, we back slid.  I praised her for doing it all by herself, but when we set off to try again, she did worse and worse.  She kept stopping short, or she stopped immediately after my hand pulled away.  It was fear making its move again.  She knew in her mind that she could do it, but the fear was holding her back from really taking off.

When we got back to the house, she was ready to quit.  She didn't want to ride on our street any more.  Then, and this is the moment that really makes me proud, she asked if we could go to the park.  "There aren't as many hills there," she said.

"Done," I said.  "Let's get mommy."

So we gathered Tracy and made our way to the park where there is a large, newly paved parking lot.  It is wide, mostly flat, and open.  She had originally wanted to ride the bike paths around the park, but when I told her she could try riding in the parking lot, she looked excited.  There was nothing really in her way, nothing to crash into, no real traffic coming along, and we started again.

As soon as we got her on the bike and pushing off, she took to it.  She didn't go far, she didn't go long, but she did it all on her own.  She even fell once, scraping her hand and foot a little bit, but she got back on and did it again.

As I sit here now reflecting on what happened today, I can't help but realize how patient I am going to have to be in the coming years.  I am going to have to let her find her own way, her own time, for when she is ready for things.  I will always want things for my daughter's life.  I will always hope she acquires this skill or that talent, but I am going to have to let go of driving her.  I'm going to have to let go of my own time frame for things because the last time I tried to teach her to ride a bike two years ago, we both went home disappointed, and she could probably read that on me.

The other thing that I remembered today is that anything worth having is worth trying for, worth practicing, worth coming back to, even after a long absence, and so I knew I would write today.  If I am going to teach my daughter about acting in the face of fear, then I need to lead by example.

Classroom Activities for the First Day of Composition

The first day of any term provides specific challenges in terms of how to set the tone for your class, and this term proved no different.  There is so much information I have to download into my students in terms of what the class expectations are, assignments, the book, alternate resources, etc that it becomes overwhelming to both them and me.  So, here are a couple of things that I did this term that seemed to work well.

1.) Poem of the Day: I begin every class with the poem of the day.  It is how I get my students into the mindset that class has begun.  It also serves as their notice that they are tardy for class.  If the poem of the day has been read, then they are late.

More so than any educational purpose, I simply like reading poetry to them.  I don't ask them to talk about the poems, to write about them, or to analyze them.  I simply ask they they take a couple of minutes out of their day to listen to a poem.  On the first day of class, I always read "Introduction to Poetry" by Billy Collins.  It sets up the term nicely and reinforces the idea that I'm not looking for them to tell me what the poem "really means."

2.) Four Sentence Introductions: Students are required to write four complete sentences about themselves in order to give the class a better idea of who they are.  They are required to give their full name in one of the sentences.  Once the entire class has finished writing their four sentences, they are required to read them aloud.

This activity is great because it is also an assessment tool.  I can begin to see where students are in their understanding of basic sentence structure.  While I don't collect this bit of writing, it could easily be collected and used to more formally assess where the class is at in their understanding of grammar and sentence structure.

3.) Don't Print the Syllabus: Portland Community College has an online system that creates a homepage for every class.  On this page is a repository for files.  I upload my syllabus onto the class page, show students where the syllabus lives, and then proceed to go through the syllabus on the overhead projector.

This is a new one for me as this is the first term I've tried it, but there were some fascinating results yesterday.  Students took notes as I went through the syllabus!!!  Instead of burying their faces in the syllabus document, they were looking up and engaging with me and what I was saying about the syllabus.  They knew they could always access the syllabus later, so they were more interested in what I had to say about the syllabus, rather than the syllabus itself.

Now, the proof is in the pudding, so I will have to wait until later in the term to see if students respond better to this method, but it looks good so far.

4.) Reading Aloud: I almost always start each term with the same reading by Anne Lamott from her book Bird by Bird.  It is the chapter entitled "Shitty First Drafts."  It is a comedic piece about process, about letting go of perfection in the first draft and realizing that writing is rewriting.  All of my classes stress this idea, that first drafts are all inherently "shitty" on some level.  This reading allows me to convey that to them in a humorous way.  Also, Anne Lamott cusses before I do, so there's always that.

I find it important to assess reading skills as well as writing skills early in the term.  In order to be a good writer, you must be a good reader.  I find that many of my students are underdeveloped in this area.  In fact, there are many times when I feel that it is students' reading skills that hold them back in my class even more so than their writing skills.  When you ask a student to write you a research paper and they have underdeveloped reading skill, then of course the result is going to be an essay that is more of a report than a synthesis of ideas.  Their reading skills are preventing them from really processing the material in a way that is conducive to the act of research.  So, I make them read aloud, paragraph by paragraph, moving around the room.

This activity is always met with an almost unanimous groan.  I simply explain to them why I am having them do it.  It doesn't make them hate it any less, but they come to understand why I am asking them to do it.  When we are forthcoming with our students about our methodologies, then we can help them understand the process they are being asked to participate in.  I find they appreciate the heads up.

5.) Student Entry Survey: College students, but particularly community college students, are a busy lot.  They have jobs, families, and other commitments.  I feel it is important to understand the dynamics working for or against my students, so I ask them to fill out a survey that lets me know some of this information.  I ask them what other classes they are taking.  I ask them about their work schedule, their hobbies, and what they hope to get out of my class.  All of this information allows me to build a personality profile for the class as a whole and to be sympathetic to their needs.  It also allows me to choose verbal examples that maybe match their hobbies and interests.

One thing I do include on this survey is a section where they are required to respond to a writing prompt.  They are asked to create a single paragraph in response to a question.  The questions are open and, usually, easy to answer like "Who is your favorite teacher and why?"  This paragraph allows me to understand the students comprehension of what a paragraph is as well as their ability to create complete sentences.

These are the things that launched my class this term: lots of writing, some lecture, and some reading aloud.  I think it is important to keep things fresh by moving from activity to activity, and it is important to set that tone early in the term.  Take it or leave it, but I thought I would share with my fellow teachers out there in cyberspace.

Channeling Voices - Or Channels and Voices

I'm taking the plunge into a new venture soon and I feel a little like the image below--exihilarated, excited, and a bit out of focus in the moment.  It isn't that I don't have a clear direction for where I think I am going next, but I have not put all the tools in place to take me there...yet.

Image courtesy of Kyle Lang

I am soon going to run into the struggle between personal and professional.  I'm realizing that the online presence I have is going to become a bit of an issue as I will need to "brand" myself and my services soon.  Also, I am using personal tools to execute on a professional project.  This won't do.  Some of you who have followed the blog in the past may notice that the name of the blog has changed.

When I set up this blog as a place to contemplate identity and social roles, I didn't foresee the direction my life might move.  When I logged into the blog the other day, I realized that its title might be off-putting to people who might try to find me professionally somewhere down the line.  As a result, a fracturing must occur.  I must separate my personal online presence from the professional one.

This will result in "channels" of online identity.  Places where one may find the professional side of me and one where you may find the personal side of me.  The two must play nicely, like siblings within a family, but they are allowed to be their own separate beings.  The two must represent the family well, but each is allowed a distinctive voice that contributes to the family's larger image.

I won't be posting much more about the technical side of my future endeavor, but I will be talking about the challenges this new role will bring to me personally.  I don't want to bog down my friends and family with too much of the technical and professional, and I don't want future clients to have to wade through family photos in an attempt to find me and my services online.  I'll have channels for each, and each will have their own voice.

It's a one of many new challenges that will arise in the coming months, but one that I am eager to explore in the near future.

Say Something, Say Something, Anything

In the '90s the band James released the album, Laid, and it was a hit among the teenagers of the time.  One of my favorite tracks was always "Say Something".  Its lyrics are as follows (image courtesy of Wikipedia):

Say something, say something, anything.
I've shown you everything.
Give me a sign.
Say something, say something, anything.
Your silence is deafening.
Pay me in kind.

I love this song and lately it has bounced around my head as I think of different types of blog posts for potential customers.  This has become a bit of an obsession as as it applies to multiple sectors of the economy.  Although I love this song and its lyrics, it isn't quite the right sensibility for content marketing.

Content marketing is the concept of providing quality information about your business in an effort to allow your customers to get to know you better, to build brand loyalty, and to bring self-serve information to them when they are ready to find you out in a crowded marketplace.  It is a unique idea in that content marketing isn't just about launching promotions, about "selling" yourself to your customer, but making yourself available to them when they want you.

Content marketing is sincere, informative, timely, and necessary in a fractured digital marketplace.  According to Youtility by Jay Baer, customers in 2011 needed 10.4 sources of information before making a purchasing decision.  This is up from 5.3 sources in 2010.  With this dramatic increase in customer researching trends, companies that stay on the forefront of information will be the ones who are found.  As such, content marketing, the act of providing sincere and informative resources to customers, is becoming more and more necessary no matter what segment of the marketplace you are in.

This is where the James song comes into play, although tangentially.  As a company in the modern marketplace, you need to "say something, say something," but it can't be "anything."  The information modern consumers are looking for is open, honest, and revealing about your company.  They aren't looking for more hype, more media noise.  They are looking for a reason to connect with your company in particular.  It is my mission to help you find that content, develop it, and deliver it.  If you say the right something, if you develop your online presence in open and responsive ways that your customers crave, then they will surely give you a sign and pay you in kind.

That is the mission.  I choose to accept it.  Thanks, James.

Impulses

In light of my last post about big changes afoot, I thought I would begin to describe the impulse that brings me to this place.  I am an enabler.  I don't mean this in the negative pop psychology sense of the word, but, rather, in the sense that I believe myself to be motivated, and even gifted, with the ability to help others achieve their potential.  It is this propensity, this gift, that has lead me to this moment, where I try and turn my gift into something more, to work it, adapt it, and shape it into something that enables not only individuals with dreams, but the dreams themselves.

I want to become a resource for those in my community who are working to carve out a piece of the world that is their own.  I want to assist them in their endeavors by bringing my words, my compassion, my enabling tendencies to the table in order to help them improve their own circumstances.

How does one do that?

In my case, it is by writing.  I am looking to move into the future by being a megaphone for others.  By working in tandem with the people of my community, I want to develop a business where I can function as the ghost writer of dreams and ambitions.  I want to help others capitalize on their gifts by using my own.  In my mind, it is a win-win situation.

I've been looking for a way to write for money.  I'm not ashamed of that.  I love to write, and I want to find a way to do it for the rest of my life.  I write creatively in many forms: stories, poems, essays, etc, but those are not the most lucrative pursuits at the moment.  So, I turn to my past experience as a business professional who wrote marketing materials, request for proposal responses, and other copy in order to create a future where I find myself in front of the blank page.

My former teacher, Jack Driscoll, once said, "The impulse to write is the impulse to love -- to love humans, to love language, to love the world."  I see my new venture as a way of upholding these ideals, a way of embracing them.  The people I hope to work for in the future, after I have finished my LLC application, business plan, and mission statement, are all people I love.  They have been role models for me in many different ways throughout my life, and I see a void in their operations I can fill.  So as I take my first steps into this bright future, rising early into darkened November mornings, and working late into misty evenings, I do so with a passion and purpose that sets me alight, and casts light into what looks distinctly like the future.

Big Changes

The last couple of months have seen big changes for me personally.  I've been struck by a new idea that could lead to the formation of a new endeavor that would capitalize on my love of writing while ensuring that I am home more.  While I can't reveal all of the details, the last couple of months have found me diving into research and development of the concept.

One of the major shifts that will result from this new endeavor is a much greater online presence and a new "re-branding" of my online identity.  It is an exciting new world full of new risks, challenges, and rewards, and one that I look forward to with the type of excitement that gets my heart beating, races my thoughts in a million different directions, and provides a concrete path to using my talents with words in new and exciting ways.

As a result, I am going to recommit myself to this online endeavor.  The blog will move beyond a repository for personal thoughts and transform into a den of ideas, concepts, and, yes, the occasional post about my family and the roles that sustain me in life.  For those of you who got in on the ground floor and encouraged this early version of the blog, I thank you.  Your support and encouragement has been the ground in which this new seed has been planted.  You'll hear from me soon.  And often.  I hope you find this idea as thrilling as I do.

Until next time.

A New Day

I've decided that the blog might just be the worthwhile enterprise I've always hoped it would be.  I am going to start using it in my class and ask the students to all engage in the process of blogging.  This will allow me to very quickly get them thinking about the idea of audience and purpose.  It also got me thinking about the fact that I don't do enough writing of my own in this regard.

I often think of ideas that I would love to jot down and get out into the world but I always felt I needed to do it in a formal essay.  In the modern age, this isn't the case.  I am free to expound on the blog, to rant and rage.  This is the type of writing I need to do.  I need to get all of this stuff out of the way so that I can get to the more delicate forms of writing that take a little more finesse and dedication to revision and process.  I'm excited to be embarking on this new voyage.

Also, I'm going to make the blog a little bit more about my life as it really is.  I've renamed my blog WTF, which is a nod to a former mentor, but it stands for "Writing.  Teaching.  Family."  These tend to be the contours of my life at the moment and I want to give a nod to the reality that is my everyday existence.  So, here's to the new experiment.  Onward and Upward!!!