Work Life Balance

Any time one decides to take on extra work, an additional project, or just a couple hours of overtime, the threat of upsetting the work-life balance becomes immediately real.  In the last couple of weeks, I have found this to be true.  Like a new romance, new endeavors can have their romantic period, a time flush with the fever of the new and unknown.  A project can be seductive, distracting a person from his normal mental routines and causing him to become a touch obsessive about the object.  The danger here is losing track of all other aspects one's life.  With this in mind, I began researching work-life balance to see if others had similar experiences and/or tips for remaining balanced in periods of change.  Here is one man I've found who asks some of the same questions.

His name is Alain de Botton, and he is a writer who brings philosophy into the everyday.  He is also the founder of the School of Life, which is a social enterprise that questions the basics of life and tries to make learning and therapy relevant.  I first found him on GoodReads when I ran into this quote:

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life."

I wasn't on a roll in terms of finding those tips that would lead to a greater sense of balance between work and the rest of my life.  I was encouraged by this quote though; it validated something I've been experiencing lately.  For example, sleep is something that is taking the back seat these days.  About twice a week, I am up at 3:30 a.m. working on new material or reading books like Jay Baer's Youtility, but I am also up at 6:30 to get Shea ready for school.  It isn't a lot of sleep, but I do feel pretty good because I'm working on things I enjoy, on a new direction for the family.

What this does provide me though is a fair bit of anxiety.  New projects and new endeavors, change of any kind really, can be nerve-racking, and I do sense that I am a little wound up.  That's when I dug a little further into Alain de Botton and found his TedTalk.  

If you aren't familiar with Ted.com, then you need to follow the link immediately.  There are talks on all kinds of subjects available there.  Everyone will find something they enjoy.  After all, their motto is "ideas worth spreading."  But that is a little off topic.

After a couple of minutes of listening to his talk, I found this quote, “It’s perhaps easier now than ever before to make a good living.  It’s perhaps harder than ever before to stay calm, to be free of career anxiety…”  In all my talks with friends, family, customers at the bar, and students at the college, this does seem to be true.  So many people I talk to have this anxiety in one form or another, so I wonder what it is I am chasing.  What ideal of work-life balance is there out there?  

It isn't that the idea is unimportant, but it is an ideal that may be un-achievable if one is working hard at challenging one's self.  This feeds into Alain de Botton's concept of success and failure that he talks about in his Ted Talk.  I'll be working on this balance my whole life because I know myself well enough to know that I'm always in search of the next challenge, the next adventure.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my time with my family and friends, but I am willing to lose maybe an hour or two of sleep in pursuit of the next challenge that presents itself.

Community on Veteran's Day

Veteran's day began as Armistice Day in 1938.  Dwight D. Eisenhower eventually declared November 11th as Veteran's Day on October 8th (facts courtesy of the Department of Veterans Affairs).  It is a day where we are meant to commemorate the men and women who have served this country by dedicating their lives to the armed forces.  It is not a day to take lightly.  I was thinking about it all day, and I wondered how I was going to be able to observe the day in the appropriate way.

I close the Wild Hare on Mondays, and I knew I would encounter at least a couple of veteran's over the course of my shift.  I knew I would buy a beer or two over the course of the day.  I thought that was how I would do it.  I would treat some of those men and women to a cold one.  Day observed, right?  Well, almost.

After a solid dinner and nice rush of twenty-somethings afterward, I thought the shift was winding down.  To my surprise, a young couple came in twenty minutes before the restaurant closed.  I served them dinner, and was thinking THIS would be the end of the shift.  About 5 minutes before the restaurant closed, this group entered the restaurant looking for something to eat.

(Photo courtesy of Debbie Turrentine)

They were apologetic for arriving just before closing, and they were even willing to walk back out the door.  I knew immediately this was an unacceptable scenario.  I insisted they sit down so I could serve them something hot from the kitchen.  

The family took their seats, and I got them a round of drinks.  When I returned to the table, the senior member of the family, the serviceman, offered me his hand and said, "Thank you for serving us."  I was flabbergasted.  I immediately retorted, "Thank YOU for serving US."  The whole family was so polite and gracious throughout the whole evening.  I was touched.  As I worked around the restaurant, working through my closing duties, I listened to the whole family laughing and carrying on.

I knew the owner, Joan Monen, would want me to buy the man a drink.  I did.  It wasn't enough.  I decided in that moment that I would purchase the man's dinner and the rest of his drinks.  He only had one more drink and a bowl of chili, but I wanted to do this for him.  I went to the computer, split the man's food and drink off the main tab, reached into my tip jar, and paid the tab before anyone could object.

It was a small gesture, the only kind available to me at that juncture, but it was enough.  The man wound up shaking my hand and thanking me for the service and the kindness.  It was like he was stepping on my lines.  These were the things I needed to say to him.  He was so kind the entire evening.  I just wanted to say thank you for everything he did.  He joked with me the rest of the night, and his family, I think, had a great experience at the Wild Hare.   

This is what the owner and management of the Wild Hare call the "Wild Hare Way."  It is the standard of service we hope to provide to our customers when they come in.  Is every day like this?  Every table visit?  Every customer exchange?  No.  It is not.  Do we strive to make it that way?  Yes, we do.  The way we create community within our towns is by being kind, personable, and attentive to others.  This goes beyond the server-customer dynamic.  It is how community is created on any number of scales.  Attention, kindness, and affection are the keys here.  Today is supposed to remind us of that.  I consider myself reminded.

Channeling Voices - Or Channels and Voices

I'm taking the plunge into a new venture soon and I feel a little like the image below--exihilarated, excited, and a bit out of focus in the moment.  It isn't that I don't have a clear direction for where I think I am going next, but I have not put all the tools in place to take me there...yet.

Image courtesy of Kyle Lang

I am soon going to run into the struggle between personal and professional.  I'm realizing that the online presence I have is going to become a bit of an issue as I will need to "brand" myself and my services soon.  Also, I am using personal tools to execute on a professional project.  This won't do.  Some of you who have followed the blog in the past may notice that the name of the blog has changed.

When I set up this blog as a place to contemplate identity and social roles, I didn't foresee the direction my life might move.  When I logged into the blog the other day, I realized that its title might be off-putting to people who might try to find me professionally somewhere down the line.  As a result, a fracturing must occur.  I must separate my personal online presence from the professional one.

This will result in "channels" of online identity.  Places where one may find the professional side of me and one where you may find the personal side of me.  The two must play nicely, like siblings within a family, but they are allowed to be their own separate beings.  The two must represent the family well, but each is allowed a distinctive voice that contributes to the family's larger image.

I won't be posting much more about the technical side of my future endeavor, but I will be talking about the challenges this new role will bring to me personally.  I don't want to bog down my friends and family with too much of the technical and professional, and I don't want future clients to have to wade through family photos in an attempt to find me and my services online.  I'll have channels for each, and each will have their own voice.

It's a one of many new challenges that will arise in the coming months, but one that I am eager to explore in the near future.

Say Something, Say Something, Anything

In the '90s the band James released the album, Laid, and it was a hit among the teenagers of the time.  One of my favorite tracks was always "Say Something".  Its lyrics are as follows (image courtesy of Wikipedia):

Say something, say something, anything.
I've shown you everything.
Give me a sign.
Say something, say something, anything.
Your silence is deafening.
Pay me in kind.

I love this song and lately it has bounced around my head as I think of different types of blog posts for potential customers.  This has become a bit of an obsession as as it applies to multiple sectors of the economy.  Although I love this song and its lyrics, it isn't quite the right sensibility for content marketing.

Content marketing is the concept of providing quality information about your business in an effort to allow your customers to get to know you better, to build brand loyalty, and to bring self-serve information to them when they are ready to find you out in a crowded marketplace.  It is a unique idea in that content marketing isn't just about launching promotions, about "selling" yourself to your customer, but making yourself available to them when they want you.

Content marketing is sincere, informative, timely, and necessary in a fractured digital marketplace.  According to Youtility by Jay Baer, customers in 2011 needed 10.4 sources of information before making a purchasing decision.  This is up from 5.3 sources in 2010.  With this dramatic increase in customer researching trends, companies that stay on the forefront of information will be the ones who are found.  As such, content marketing, the act of providing sincere and informative resources to customers, is becoming more and more necessary no matter what segment of the marketplace you are in.

This is where the James song comes into play, although tangentially.  As a company in the modern marketplace, you need to "say something, say something," but it can't be "anything."  The information modern consumers are looking for is open, honest, and revealing about your company.  They aren't looking for more hype, more media noise.  They are looking for a reason to connect with your company in particular.  It is my mission to help you find that content, develop it, and deliver it.  If you say the right something, if you develop your online presence in open and responsive ways that your customers crave, then they will surely give you a sign and pay you in kind.

That is the mission.  I choose to accept it.  Thanks, James.

Impulses

In light of my last post about big changes afoot, I thought I would begin to describe the impulse that brings me to this place.  I am an enabler.  I don't mean this in the negative pop psychology sense of the word, but, rather, in the sense that I believe myself to be motivated, and even gifted, with the ability to help others achieve their potential.  It is this propensity, this gift, that has lead me to this moment, where I try and turn my gift into something more, to work it, adapt it, and shape it into something that enables not only individuals with dreams, but the dreams themselves.

I want to become a resource for those in my community who are working to carve out a piece of the world that is their own.  I want to assist them in their endeavors by bringing my words, my compassion, my enabling tendencies to the table in order to help them improve their own circumstances.

How does one do that?

In my case, it is by writing.  I am looking to move into the future by being a megaphone for others.  By working in tandem with the people of my community, I want to develop a business where I can function as the ghost writer of dreams and ambitions.  I want to help others capitalize on their gifts by using my own.  In my mind, it is a win-win situation.

I've been looking for a way to write for money.  I'm not ashamed of that.  I love to write, and I want to find a way to do it for the rest of my life.  I write creatively in many forms: stories, poems, essays, etc, but those are not the most lucrative pursuits at the moment.  So, I turn to my past experience as a business professional who wrote marketing materials, request for proposal responses, and other copy in order to create a future where I find myself in front of the blank page.

My former teacher, Jack Driscoll, once said, "The impulse to write is the impulse to love -- to love humans, to love language, to love the world."  I see my new venture as a way of upholding these ideals, a way of embracing them.  The people I hope to work for in the future, after I have finished my LLC application, business plan, and mission statement, are all people I love.  They have been role models for me in many different ways throughout my life, and I see a void in their operations I can fill.  So as I take my first steps into this bright future, rising early into darkened November mornings, and working late into misty evenings, I do so with a passion and purpose that sets me alight, and casts light into what looks distinctly like the future.

Big Changes

The last couple of months have seen big changes for me personally.  I've been struck by a new idea that could lead to the formation of a new endeavor that would capitalize on my love of writing while ensuring that I am home more.  While I can't reveal all of the details, the last couple of months have found me diving into research and development of the concept.

One of the major shifts that will result from this new endeavor is a much greater online presence and a new "re-branding" of my online identity.  It is an exciting new world full of new risks, challenges, and rewards, and one that I look forward to with the type of excitement that gets my heart beating, races my thoughts in a million different directions, and provides a concrete path to using my talents with words in new and exciting ways.

As a result, I am going to recommit myself to this online endeavor.  The blog will move beyond a repository for personal thoughts and transform into a den of ideas, concepts, and, yes, the occasional post about my family and the roles that sustain me in life.  For those of you who got in on the ground floor and encouraged this early version of the blog, I thank you.  Your support and encouragement has been the ground in which this new seed has been planted.  You'll hear from me soon.  And often.  I hope you find this idea as thrilling as I do.

Until next time.

A Dancer

One of my family's most common evening activities is to stream videos of music and dancing on the television.  This often results in dance performances by my daughter.  Sometimes I join in, sometimes Tracy does, but Shea is always on the floor, watching the dancers and moving to the music. 

We've had her in a couple of dance classes, intro level stuff, but tonight I saw something in the way she moved that seemed different from her normal routines, her normal ways of being in her body.  Many of you parents might recognize this moment.

She danced in the living room and I suddenly had a vision of Shea as an older child of thirteen or fourteen.  It was like looking through a window in time to some as of yet delineated moment and I was startled by how beautiful she will become as an older woman.  I saw a lithe young woman who felt the music moving through her body and finding the natural expression of it in the lilt of her hips, the movement of a hand, and the lift and glide of her feet.  She was tall, taller than I have pictured her in past visions of my grown girl, and there was none of the awkardness of her current struggles with her walk.  She was flexible, graceful, and I was touched. 

I'm going to post a video of her dancing.  While most of you may only see a little girl dancing in the living room, the moment was transcendent for me.  I've seen her potential in a new way tonight and it threatened to overtake me with joy.