Writer's Note: I Really Am Thick

I am so thick it is laughable.  Honestly, if it didn't cause me so much pain, I'd laugh too.  In fact, when I finally am able to learn something, I often do laugh at myself.  I am so consistently wrong that it amazes me that I still often think I am right.

Where is this coming from?  

You have "The Incredible Jessica James" to blame.  

I watched this movie tonight, which is about a playwright in NYC, and there is a scene in the movie that just blew my mind tonight.  The problem is that it is so simple that I felt like an idiot when I had my AHA moment.  

The premise for the scene is this:

Jessica meets her longtime playwright idol at a weekend retreat.  Before introducing herself by name, she gushes over the artist.  When the artist finally gets her calmed down, Jessica asks her a question, a sincere question, a question that many artists wonder about/ask.  

"When do you know you've made it?"

The playwright replies, "I'll let you know when I get the memo."

Jessica replies, "But you won a Tony..."

After a short give or take, the playwright gestures around to signify the weekend retreat they are on, and she says, "Isn't that what we're doing this weekend?"

For me, my heart finally broke of many of these crazy illusions about success, the writing life, etc.  I just...stopped.  It was so simple.  It was so easy.  I couldn't believe how thick I had been.  

As I sit here and write this post, I'm a writer.  I've arrived.  I'm here doing the work, and that's it.  I enjoy being able to write in my own voice to an audience.  That's it.  That's the pleasure.  Everything else is...everything else.  

P.S.  I enjoyed "The Incredible Jessica James".  Jessica Williams is just about as charming as they come.  Thank you, Jim Strouse for your body of incredible work.  I have just now realized how much I enjoy his films.  Check out his IMDB profile here.

Personal Note: What Vacation Teaches Me

The View from my cabin at Odell Lake

I just got back from a short 4-day vacation at Shelter Cove Resort at Odell Lake in central Oregon.  It was 4 days without cell service, without alarm clocks, without commutes, work days, and all the accoutrement that goes with the modern life.  Here are 3 things I was able to take away from those 4 days.

1. No one but me will defend my time.

I need downtime.  Everyone does.  But I am terrible at protecting myself and insulating myself from the pressures of work.  I almost always say "yes" to requests from work, and it is starting to become a barrier to my own personal desires and the relationships with my family.  When I did some poking around and reading about work/life balance and overworking, I ran into this quote:

We often hear of people breaking down from overwork, but in nine out of ten they are really suffering from worry or anxiety. - John Lubbock

This is very much true for me.  I have a tendency to put off my personal desires in pursuit of work, or of tending to my family, which is not to place blame on them.  It is a character fault of my own.  I need to be a better defender of my own time and to be more disciplined in accomplishing my own goals.  

This is the first lesson.

2. Reading is still one of my favorite pasttimes.

I finished a book and a half in the 4 days I was on vacation.  It was marvelous.  Almost every morning I awoke before the others in the cabin.  I turned on the coffee pot and sat with my book.  I pounded through the last half of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and I almost got all the way through One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories by B.J. Novak.  

It takes me back to grad school where my advisor, John Rember, once told me, to paraphrase, that "the writing life looks like sheer idleness from the outside."  When I spend 4 days in the woods reading and ruminating, I feel like I've gotten something done.  I feel like I can breathe and work and create.  

In the time I spent in the large windows of the cabin, bathed in morning light, I came up with a couple of new ideas for the TV series I am writing. I got myself unlocked from a plot thread that had me pinned for a moment, and I was able to actually dedicate a portion of my mental real estate to my own creative endeavors.  The words of others help me with this.  Reading helps me with this.  Being submerged in the waters of others' creative works gives me hope that my own creativity has a place in the world.  

3. Sleep is my friend.

I'm a terrible sleeper.  Well, once I'm sleeping I'm fine, but I am a terrible self-manager when it comes to putting myself to bed.  I can distract myself with this, that, or the other for hours on end in the wee hours when the rest of my family sleeps.  I used to think this was my most creative time, but I am slowly learning that this is probably not the case.  

Many times, I will find myself distracted by the television, by the internet, by a stiff cocktail, or any number of other things.  What I need to be doing is putting myself to bed so that I wake recharged with the energy to dedicate to my own creative endeavors.  

Self-care...not my strong suit.

I have an eye mask that I know works to put me to sleep, as well as some lavender pillow spray that helps me fall down into sleep, but I don't use them.  I somehow allow myself to engage in "mindless idleness" instead of "mindful idleness."  It's time to change the way I behave in order to encourage more of the latter.  In fact, that may just be my next blog post..."Mindless Idleness vs. Mindful Idleness."  More on that soon.

So, for me, next steps are to remember my lessons, to rededicate myself to the process of working hard for a creative life, which sometimes means indulging in pure idleness.  Thanks, John Rember, for the permission.

Writer's Notes - The Price of Productivity

Image Courtesy of Pinterest

Hello, two am.  It's me.  I'm here again.  I hope you remember me.  It's not the first time we've met.  Not by a longshot.

I've been up writing for a while now, and watching first episodes of television shows I like.  I've got the bug.  The "I've-got-to-get-this-down-now-while-I-can" kind of bug that feels like heat, like fire, like passion.  It's the kind of juice that makes me want to go upstairs and stir my wife and say, "Hey, remember me?  I'm going to wake you in the middle of the night and show you the man you fell in love with."  I feel like taking a walk in the early morning hours and counting stars.

You know what's got me there?  A schedule.  A deadline.  When I have those...I'm good.  When I'm left with open-ended timeframes, my creativity falters.  My ideas don't even make it to notebooks.  I piss away ideas without even bothering to quality check them.

Today?  Today I had a scheduled meeting with people who hold me accountable.  Today?  Today I expanded a new scene, cut another, restarted it, found a new opening, and began a portion of research that will lead me to new areas of understanding about my subject.

Tomorrow?  Tomorrow I'm tired because my life will come crashing in on me.  Tomorrrow?  Tomorrow my daughter will wake me up and we will spend the day together, having breakfast just the two of us, meeting friends, swimming, having a good time.  Then, it is off to work.  Tomorrow is the restaurant on a Friday. Tomorrow?  Tomorrow is everyone else.  Tomorrow is deferred at 1 am.

I now tomorrow will come.  I know I will drag ass.  I know I should go to bed, but I can't.  I'm kicking with the juice that takes me back to my younger self.  Today, having written, I feel virile, strong, alive, and engaged.  Today I can remember why I do this, and tomorrow...?  Tomorrow I will deal with then.

I may be sleepy, but I'm alive, and I found the space in which to exercise my creative mind.

To all my collaborators...THANK YOU!!!

Personal Note: Picking up the phone

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The universe has been calling me.  It happens to me more than I like to admit, but lately it has been a full court press.  I don't know if others experience this phenomenon the same way I do, but my life has a way of reminding me what I'm supposed to be doing when I lose my way.  These calls often come in the form of chance encounters, unforeseeable opportunities, and unexpected people.

In the last couple of months, I've seen a resurgence of old friends I met during my MFA program.  They've been reaching out to me to get a coffee date, a phone call, or a writer's group going.  I've also had old friends from unknown quarters in my life offering me the opportunity to engage in creative projects.  The universe is trying to tell me something, and I'm trying to make myself available to listen and participate.

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In the last two months, I've been asked to participate in an oral storytelling project, a writer's group, and, now, a side project that includes writing for the screen.  I'm over the moon about it.  The trick now is to find the time to engage with all of those opportunities.  All of them are worth while.  All of them are being orchestrated by good people.  I have an immediate and powerful creative connection with each and every one of those endeavors, and all of them ask that I return to the keyboard, that I return to the state of empathy that writing requires.  All of them require that I open my heart to the world and begin listening again.

For a long time, I've been very career-minded.  I've been stressed about titles, money, and pride.  All of those things were about me, which is never where I succeed.  When I am narrowly focused on self, I am not at my best.  When I obsess about my position, my notoriety, how I appear to other people, I usually wind up in a box that I have to struggle to escape.  That's been the case in the last couple of years, and I've seen my creative expression dry up as a result.  It's time for a change.

It's time to listen to what the universe is telling me about my own purpose and to stop trying so hard to direct my life to where I "think" it should go.  All of this means taking a risk, putting myself out there, being uncomfortable in certain situations, but that is always where I find personal growth.

There is that famous expression, "Jesus take the wheel."  Well, I'm not overtly Christian, but I can identify with the sentiment.  It is time to allow the universe to take the wheel and guide me a little bit.  Sometimes the best form of direction is submission, submission to your life's calling, to what you are meant to be as opposed to what you want to be.  I'm going to try real hard to allow myself the freedom to do so.

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For any of you who are experiencing the same thing, I hope you find the courage to do the same, and I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.  Knowing that others are experiencing the same thing brings me strength, as I hope this post has done for you.

Personal Note: Six Months

My last post on this blog was on December 7th, 2015.  Six months ago.  Much like a New Year's resolution to hit the gym, recommiting to the a creative endeavor can be fraught with much of the same personal pitfalls.  How many of us have told ourselves we are going to get in shape this year, to hit the gym three times a week, and then failed to show after week 3?  I know I have.  The blog is much the same way.  Once I miss a writing goal, I appear to abandon my craft entirely.  Here's the thing.

I don't care.  I have to get back on this pony eventually.  I can't allow myself to put so much emphasis on my failings.  They are things of the past, and I cannot change the past.  I am here now, and I am typing words on to the screen.  That is all that matters.  I fell down, but now I must get back up.

The thing that brought me back to the screen?  A funeral.  The funeral hasn't happened yet.  It is on Wednesday, but, once again, people close to me have chosen to enlist me to help them say goodbye to a loved one.  The person who died?  Margaret Ellen Gitts, my friend's grandmother.

I had met her before, sure, but I didn't know the woman well, but I got the chance to talk to her family and I received emails detailing aspects of her life.  My job is to then distill all of this rich material into a shorter form, to put it in some kind of order, to make sense of a 90 year old woman's life in the space of about 20 minutes.  I loved every minute of it.

The reason I did?  Margaret was FASCINATING.  She was a wonderful Depression-era woman who sewed, cooked, ran a dairy farm, a dahlia farm, who raised 5 kids and a gaggle of grandkids.  She made her family's clothes for generations, learned to ski in her 60s, she traveled the world in her later years.  She devoured life with a passion and grace I am forced to marvel at.  She is wonderful.

So, how did that bring me back here to this page?  It brought me back to writing because I realized that more than anything I like making sense of the world by processing it in words.  I love the complexity of life, and I love the challenge of trying to distill that complexity into something that others understand.  I love...connection, and my words are my best tool for making that connection.

My perch on the patio.  Not bad.

Writing about the family's love for Margaret reminded me that I love the world too, and my way of loving is to tell my reader's how much this world is worth our affection.  It's been a long time since I've been here, sitting under the starlit sky at two in the morning with a glass of whiskey and the sound of the wind and the keyboard in my ears.  I'll try not to stay away so long next time, but if I do disappear again, I know I will be forced to forgive myself until I find my way back.

Homework: Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Boss

When I picked Shea up from school today, we set off for home and had our daily small talk.  We covered our usual topics of school, play, her friends, etc.  We then set the agenda for the day.  We were going to go to the store and then return home for homework.  We agreed that both of us were going to do our homework.  She had a composition to write, and, guess what?  So did I.

I had to do my own daily homework of writing, and we agreed to do it together.  I hadn't planned on sitting down to write, but an opportunity presented itself, and I decided to take it.  Thus, you find me here in the blogosphere brainstorming on what to write.  This can oftentimes be the hardest part for a writer, discovering your subject, but today was easy as I latched on to a small detail from my drive to pick up Shea.

On the way to the school, I was behind a car with the bumper sticker, "Act Like a Lady...Think Like a Boss."  My first reaction was, "Right on, sister."  Then I stuttered a moment and had to rethink my original idea.  I wasn't sure if I liked the "Act like a lady" part.  I decided this would be a great chance for Shea and I to have a talk about it, to pick her brain and see what she thought about what it meant to "act like a lady."

After our initial small talk, I told her about the bumper sticker I saw and asked her what she thought.  Her first answer, "Good."  I had to press her a little bit to see where she truly stood.  I followed up with, "What is a boss?"

"Someone who tells other people what to do.  Like at work or a teacher."

"Is that different from being a lady?" I asked.

She had to think hard on this one.  "Yes," she said.  "Ladies are nice."

"Is it mean to tell someone what to do if you are in charge?" I asked.

"No," Shea said after a moment.

"So a lady can be in charge and tell people what to do, right?"

"Yeah," Shea said her voice rising in excitement.  She was on board with this whole train of thought.

"So...if ladies are supposed to be nice, then what other types of things are ladies supposed to be?" I continued.  I even air quoted the "supposed" to emphasize the point.

Shea struggled with this one, so I changed my line of questioning.  "Is there anything a lady is not?"

In my college lectures, I always tell my students that it is easier to say what they are not than to actually say what they are, so I took this tact with Shea.

Shea came back with, "Boys can lift heavy stuff."

"OK," I said, "But how often do you practice lifting heavy things?"

"Not a lot," she said.

"So what would happen if you practiced lifting heavy things?  Would you get better at it? Would you eventually be able to lift heavier and heavier things?"

"Yes," she said.

"OK," I said, "so are there girls who can lift heavy things?  Girls who work hard at being strong?"

"Yes," she said.

"So would you say that girls are strong?"

"Yes," Shea said, again her voice rose at the idea.

"So it's not just boys, is it?"

"Nope," she said.  She even had a hint of a giggle in her voice.

"So, let's run through some words and you tell me if it describes girls."

"Okay," Shea said through her smile.  She's used to me by now, and she knows my little word games with her.

"Strong."

"Yep," she said.  I lobbed the ball to her on that one.

"Smart."

"Yep," she said.

"Funny."

"Yep," she said.

"Pretty."

"Yep," she said.

"Powerful."

She took a moment on this one.  She asked me what the word meant.  I told her that being powerful meant that you could do things on your own, that you commanded respect from others, and that you were able to do things on your own without help.

"Yep," she said.

I reached across the car and gave her a high five.  "Sounds right to me," I said.  This girl makes me proud.  She has a natural sense of her own power, but I'm always careful to have conversations with her that reminds her of it.  In all my time as a college instructor, I saw so many young women who had lost a sense of their own power and were slowly reclaiming it through the process of a self-guided education, but it makes me wonder at how spectacular they would be if they simply didn't have to go through that culturally indoctrinated period of self-doubt.  As a parent, I know some of it will happen, but I hope to be an advocate of my daughter's own self-worth throughout her lifetime,  to maybe soften some of the trappings of adolescence.

It was a wonderful conversation, and one that I hope she remembers and takes to heart.  If she doesn't remember, then maybe she will one day read this and either remember or be reminded of how her daddy sees her.  When we got home from our errands, my daughter and I sat at the kitchen table together.  She did her school work and I got the chance to reflect on my day with her.  These moments are small moments, the moments that make up a life, and a good life at that.  I hope to spend many more hours working with her like this, showing her that writing, thinking, and questioning are all a part of how we navigate the complexity of life.

All in all, not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

Teacher Notes: Preparing for Workshop

The day has arrived!  The day where all the days of teaching Composition finally pay off.  I am teaching a fiction workshop this summer at PCC, and I couldn't be happier about it.  I've had the opportunity to teach workshops before at PCC, but this summer feels like serendipity, a coincidence of the fates that conspired to allow me to dive into craft at a moment when I am feeling a creative resurgence.

For me, workshop is a divine space, a space of unadulterated creativity, where writers are allowed to stretch their craft, to dabble, to experiment, to try things they might not have the chance to try when writing in isolation.  In order to model this for my students, I write with them.  I try to show them that the exercises I've produced for them are not just for the "new" writer, but, like any exercise physical or mental, an opportunity to try and try again, to hone and battle, to dive headlong against a task in order to become stronger, more lithe and flexible, to remake ourselves in ways that might be surprising after multiple repetitions.

More than anything, workshop is a chance to write and write a lot.  My workshop classes are full of prompts, of freewrites, of imitations and modeling.  It is a time to read from great works, and then to try our hand at creating our own.  Today is the first day, and I feel like it is the opening of a grand adventure.

Coincidentally, today is also the day I will return to Pacific University's Low-Residency MFA for a faculty reading.  This is the space where I was taught the art of the workshop, the knack of the craft talk, and the unending passion for honing the written word.  The line up for tonight?

Pete Fromm:

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Hopefully reading from his forthcoming novel If Not for This:

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Craig Lesley:

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I'm hoping for new material, but he could read from his nonfiction Burning Fence...

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Or some of his fiction, like Storm Riders...

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The final author is a new one to me: Eduardo Corral

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While unknown to me, a quick search brings the edge of excitement even closer as his poetry promises to ignite me with inspiration.  If he dazzles, then I'll be picking up his collection Slow Lightning.

In preparation for this day full of excitement?  Double barreled coffee.

Personal Notes: Pulling Threads

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The illustration above evokes a project I'm working on right now.  It is an illustration of an exercise to limber up the fingers for a pianist, but it speaks to what I'm working on in interesting ways.  Much in the same way a pianist must exercise in order to better their craft, I must "limber up" if I am to improve in my art as well.  My hands are an instrument of my art, dancing over the keyboard in an attempt at making music of another sort, and so I was drawn to this illustration.

I've been "pulling threads" over the last couple of days.  I've had an interesting email exchange with my aunt who dropped a picture on me that I wasn't prepared for.  It's called to the surface a set of questions, a mindfulness, I wasn't prepared for in terms of how I think about myself.  It is a simple picture, a picture of my grandfather, which lead me to exchange additional emails with my aunt, and then my father.  The picture opened a door to a subject I had never considered, like the muse dropping inspiration on the unwitting artist.

My grandfather and his first wife

This is the picture that started this process.  It led to other pictures and other questions.  I debated creating a blog post about the subject, but I'm realizing that the material this picture opened for me is more of a long form essay, something that needs to be developed in the longer, more formal rough draft, revision, new draft, revision process that is typical of the work I try to publish in literary magazines and other venues.

Sometimes the past feels like a closed book to us, chapters that are completed and spent.  Other times, the past comes alive for us, a place to be explored, a darkened room in which we stumble around and grope at the walls for a switch that will light the darkness.  This picture feels like the latter, or a doorway to the latter.

I'm excited to explore the subject in detail.  One never knows where inspiration is going to strike, but we must all remain open to it.

Writer Notes: Digital Storytelling

I recently had the opportunity to attend a session at Lewis and Clark College titled "Digital Storytelling."  It was hosted by the incomparable Kim Stafford and was a session designed to give a quick overview to a new brand of storytelling that has arisen in this age of new, cheaper technologies.

Digital Storytelling is basically a combination of video editing and flash fiction/nonfiction.  It combines the power of image and text in a way that is new and exciting.  With movie and music editing software becoming more affordable and user-friendly, artists like myself and any other person interested in the pursuit are able to package their words in slick new ways.  Here's an example:

This is a powerful personal memoir by Leroy Moore called "The Gift of Nonviolence" that deals with a childhood of abuse and how the author managed to navigate it.  The three minute video shows the power of the medium.

Here's another example that focuses on the idea of identity by Rob Kershaw.  It is titled "Camaro Boy".

The format excites me and I have a few ideas for new pieces that could use this kind of treatment.  The Digital Storytelling session contained multiple freewrite prompts that yielded interesting results, and I've an idea for a family archive project that I think could work well.

Continuing education is a gift from my employer Portland Community College.  They allowed me to attend the session for free.  As a result, I've gained new inspiration for a format of writing that also combines my love of the relationship between image and text (don't forget my love of comics).

If this format intrigues you too, then you might be interested in visiting the site for the Center for Digital Storytelling at Berkeley. After school gets out and finals are graded, expect to see my first attempt at using this new medium here.

Writer's Notes: Kate Messner

In thinking about my novel project, I've had to consider a lot about "world-building."  This process of inventing a world from scratch using defined principles and rules is a daunting one, and it is a large part of why it is taking me so long to formulate the rough draft.  I've sketched in some scenes and some characters, but I can't put the larger clockwork of the novel together until I have the exact nature of my world figured out.  In order to facilitate this work, I've been using tools in book form and web form.  One of my favorite resources on the web has been Kate Messner.

Kate Messner is the author of "Sugar and Ice", "The Brilliant Fall of Brianna Z.", and the Silver Jaguar Societies series.  She is a successful and award winning children's author who was also a presenter at TED2012.  Her presentation was about world building and can be found here.

Now some may ask why I am using a children's author to support the process for writing a book for adults or older youth.  My answer is simple: children's authors are just as rigorous as "adult" authors in terms of their process.  Writers write for their intended audience, but it is my firmly held belief that good children's authors have fictional tapestries that rival their more "grown up" counterparts.  Plus, Kate Messner helped me by giving me a simple questionnaire to answer in terms of framing my fictional world.  It is a baby step, but an initial step in moving forward on my creative project.

Kate's blog posts break up a worksheet for capturing your fictional world on paper.  It is the "scaffolding" that holds the world up and asks the basic questions that need to be answered before beginning to articulate a plot.  It is the pre-writing necessary to building an authentic world, and I appreciate her willingness to share her work so publicly.  You can find her blog posts here.

I filled out the worksheet the other day, skipping some of the questions because I needed to ruminate more about their answers, but I am beginning to formulate the physical, historical, and social context that will inform my work.  You might not see the worksheet's answers in the final text of the book, but it should be felt in the authenticity of the "uninterrupted dream" John Gardner said was the mark of good fiction.

It felt good to work on the larger project and to put some of my ruminations down on paper.  It felt like a unburdening of sorts.  I don't have to "remember" my ruminations because I can turn to Kate Messner's helpful worksheet and find the answers there.  You are a generous soul, Kate.

Writer's Notes: Purpose

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I have been casting about for a while, seeking purpose with my fiction writing.  I've attempted two novels, casting both aside, and reset my purpose toward a concept I believe has merit, has value.  When I initially conceived myself as a writer, I did so with the idea that I would be a "serious literary author."  I put it in quotes because I've come to realize what a mental construct that is, what a fabrication of identity.  What I want is to write striking prose that is close to what I like to read.

So, what is that?

I've found that I really enjoy the worlds of sci-fi and fantasy.  

Within some literary communities, the worlds of sci-fi and fantasy get labeled under the banner of "genre writing."  At times, genre writing can be looked down upon, seen as subservient to the literary scene.  I'm slowly realizing that I don't care.  I didn't become a writer to serve the needs of ego and arbitrary judgments about genre.  I became a writer to birth the stories that dwell inside of me.  As such, I need to listen to the voices that dwell inside of me and write like the authors who inspire me, who draw me along through their pages effortlessly.

Much of the anxiety that surrounds this issue is due to insecurity.  My own.  I've been holding on to an outdated conception of myself as artist, to an identity that was founded before I knew myself through years of practicing craft.  Because I have spent so much time dwelling on this issue, fighting against what I now see as my plain desire, I am slowly peeling past the layers of insecurity and settling in to a writing practice that is sustainable and passion-fueled.  

It is not an end spot I'm facing now, but a new beginning.  I have been reading a lot of books that inspire me lately, finding voices like mine in the larger publishing world, and I take great comfort in that.  I've been working on a concept for some time, finding tools that will help me advance my idea (You might remember a recent post about the book Wonderbook).  Slowly but surely, I'll take my first tentative steps into this new world I've begun building, and I hope the process is a fulfilling one.  I've dwelt upon these concepts for a while now and it is time to birth it.  

It's going to be a long and tough road, but I think I have the wherewithal to navigate it now.  The blog has been a soothing presence, a place where I can work past a lot of things that normally block me up, and I appreciate you, my readers, for helping me to find that I have a voice that can work for audiences.  In addition to the larger fiction project, I've also started to build a concept of how this blog can, for me, develop into a larger nonfiction project.  

The creative juices are flowing; inspiration has landed, and now it is time to practice the old "butt-in-seat" method of writing.  This method is about coming to the computer whether or not inspiration has taken residence in my office.  It is not about flashes of brilliance provided by the muse, but about the long and steady hours of dedication it takes in order to accomplish a dream.

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Brenda Ueland, in her essay "Everyone is Talented, Original and Has Something Important to Say", says, "Think of how many times Kreisler has practiced trills.  If you will write as many words as Kreisler has practiced trills I prophesy that you will win the Nobel Prize in ten years."  I don't care about the accolades of the Nobel Prize, but I get Euland's point.  Writing, and writing well, is about practice, about long hours of dedication to the craft, the skill, and I'm ready to put the hours in.  Ueland's essay may be about writing, but I would say it is more encouragement to let go and take a risk.  What a gift she left us.

Book Notes: The Magicians

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Lev Grossman's  fantasy epic The Magicians wasn't the book I read in a week.  In fact, I read the sequel The Magican King as my book last week, but I wanted to go back to the original in terms of providing a review.  It'll provide people with a better jumping on point for their own reading, and I think the germ of everything that is awesome about The Magician King is to be found in that first book.

The Magicians is a book about, you guessed it, magicians.  Quentin Coldwater is the main character of the book, and he begins as a regular kid on the streets of New York City.  He's on his way to an interview for college when his whole life changes.  Enter magic.  The rest of the novel, and the subsequent sequels, unfolds from this moment, and much of the second book hinges on the repercussions of these early pages.  

For those of you who are familiar with Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the references and threads that weave throughout this book.  While The Magicians calls its land Fillory instead of Narnia, and it was ruled by four English schoolchildren named the Chatwins instead of the Pevensies, Grossman has found a way to reinvent many of the tropes that worked its way through those books.  

Grossman's magic makes the book.  His conceptions and conjurings feel gritty and grounded, even as the laws of physics bend in fanciful ways.  Pain and endurance infiltrate magic throughout the novel, and the lessons learned by Quentin and his friends exceeds lessons in spellcasting and reside more in real character lessons.  Magic does not come easy, and the young students find their spirits and character tested in a way that all great literature captures.  The character development never falters throughout the novel, and readers will find themselves rooting not just for Quentin, but the rest of the cast as well.  

While this book is billed as a "coming-of-age" novel, its story reads more like a "coming alive" novel.  It's about how the spirit survives modern trials, and Grossman's prose elevates all of the critical character moments in real and exciting ways.  The apathetic Quentin Coldwater and his fellow young adults feel real, but never quite lapse into the overly whiny characters that sometimes plague novels about this age group.  Quentin is a problematic character, one plagued with a sense of self-doubt, but his journey throughout the first book take him to a satsifying resolution that doesn't "solve" his problematic aspects, but simply move him to a new status quo that will prove to be equally problematic in the next books.  

For lovers of Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter, this book is a must read.  It's a fantastic book about magic and the price one pays to wield it.  It attacks more adult themes than either of those other series manage to tackle, and it is better for it.  The Magicians was one of my favorite reads of the last year.  I was so thoroughly pleased with the book that I ran to pick up the sequel.  Now I am in the uncomfortable position of waiting to pick up the third and final book of the trilogy.  It's a wait I will endure, for if the first two books are any indication of Grossman's gifts, then I will be rewarded for my patience.  

Promise-ary Note: A New Fiction Piece and a New Promise

Even in the midst of finals week, I was able to pull off this week's promise.  I've been neck deep in essays, but flash fiction, much like poetry, doesn't have to have the long, enduring thought process of a novel project or one of my more typical short story length projects.  

I still had to come at the story three different times before it could be written though.  In fact, you may remember an earlier post about "writer's tools" some weeks back.  Inspiration was being being a stingy little minx this week with all the other concerns I had on my mind, so I had to turn to my writing notebook for some ideas.  A writer, or at least a writer who wants to make a lifestyle out of writing, doesn't have the luxury of waiting around for inspiration.  I can't simply sit there and while away an afternoon hoping that dirty seductress of Inspiration will strike.  Instead, I have to commit to an idea and charge ahead with the hopes that I will seduce Inspiration to follow me.

Inspiration is almost like the stereotype of the woman who loves bad boys.  She likes being chased, being sought after, being the object of the artist's desire, but if you really want a relationship with her, then you almost pay her no attention at all.  You simply march ahead with what you are doing and you'll soon find her at your elbow asking, "What are you doing?"  Or, in the midst of a juicy section, she'll suddenly appear and say, "Oooh, that's good, but what about?"  Sometimes paying no heed whatsoever to inspiration is the best way to be inspired.  It's kind of the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" method of calling down the muse.

So, I turned to my writer's notebook and found a note from years ago when my wife's coworker told us about Craigslist personals.  That was it.  That was the idea.  My prompt became, "Write a story about a guy waiting for his Craigslist personal ad hookup in a mutually anonymous location."  I was intrigued by the idea of the illicit hookup and what the mindset must be in the moments before falling into the arms of an anonymous stranger.  It's rough, but it exists on paper.  That's the hardest part for me.  Once it exists on paper, then I can play with the form, the sentences, the words, etc.  

Unlike Inspiration, Revision is a stable companion, a loving partner, and I can count on her to show up every time I sit with a page full of words.  Sometimes it is hard for me to quiet her down so I can focus, but we have a longstanding and loving relationship.

So, mission accomplished...promise fulfilled.

This week's promise is going to be a good one, and it comes just in time as I've cleared my schedule for some private time with my wife already.

While some of you may be saying, "Gross, Kyle, I don't want to know about that."  I'd like to state that intimacy is a big word and doesn't only translate to the bedroom.  There is emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and physical intimacy.  They are all important, and I plan on trying to focus on all aspects of the word.  I'm excited to spend some quality time with my wife.  She's been killing it lately and I'm sure I haven't heard all she has to say about what's been going on with her.  I drew this last night, and while Tracy slept I hatched a couple of plans for this weekend.  It should be fun.

Promise-ary Note: Promise #10

For those of you unfamiliar with my 52 promises project, you can read more about it here.

I've almost made it a through a quarter of the way through the year, which is better than I normally do with my New Year's resolutions.  I'll admit that having a promise a week can be a bit stressful at times.  It puts a bit of pressure on me to actively work to improve myself, which is the point of the project, the point of New Year's resolutions for most of us.  It's been difficult to keep up with the time frames some times, but I'm working to keep up and actively finding the space in my schedule to be true to the promises I make.

This week is a writer's promise.  I don't often make time for my fiction, which is my love, and I need to improve in this regard.  I always need to improve in this regard.  So, I promise to work on a flash fiction piece this week.

For those of you unfamiliar with flash fiction, it is a short-short story.  The definitions vary, but I usually hold myself to 1000 words or less when I am working to create a piece of this nature.  I have a tendency to write longer stories, so 1000 is a tight fit for me.  500 might be a unique and interesting challenge, but I think I will go easy on myself and work within the 1000 word guideline.

Image Source

Wish me luck.  This things usually start with a piece of dialogue for me, so good thing I'm working at the bar tonight.  There should be plenty of opportunities to eavesdrop!

If the idea of flash fiction intrigues you, then here are some examples:

Katey Schultz - Paddy the Albino 
Bruce Holland Rogers - Divestiture
Amy Hempel - The Rememberer
Neil Gaiman - Down to a Sunless Sea

Official Notes: Kyle's 5 Tips to Officiating a Service

In the year 2003, I got ordained online.  My friends Amy and Dudley were getting married and they had asked me to officiate.  In Montana, there is a law where anybody can marry one couple one time.  I figure this is a law left on the books from the days of traveling pastors.  If you had a shotgun wedding situation on your hands, you couldn't wait for a holy man to roll through town.  People had to get to the business of marrying.  Not trusting my friends' comprehension of the law, I decided to get ordained online in order to make sure it was official.  My life has not been the same since.  Little did I know, this decision would wind up being one of the most formidable of the last decade.

Being asked to officiate someone's wedding or funeral is a wonderful honor, one that is deserving of a degree of decorum and intention.  As such, here are a few tips for those of you who may find yourself in the same position, or simply giving a toast/eulogy at one of these services.

A Family Letter to the Bride

1. Prepare.  

Do your research.  It is easy to think that you have a solid grasp on the people/person you will be honoring with your words.  But I warn against assuming too much.  Even when I performed my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, I sat down with the two of them and interviewed them about their relationship, about how they met, and what they hoped for from their wedding vows.  It's easy to think you have people pegged, but this is one of the most precious days of their lives.

If you are performing a funeral service or giving a eulogy, it is especially important to interview the survivors.  They may have specific things they would like you to highlight over the course of the ceremony and it is critically important to respect the wishes of the survivors in order to accomplish the mission of the day.

2. Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help

When I prepare a wedding ceremony, I turn to several titles for inspiration.  I use the books Weddings from the Heart: Contemporary and Traditional Ceremonies for an Unforgettable Wedding, Into the Garden: A Wedding Anthology, and Words for Your Wedding: The Wedding Service Book.  A person does not need to feel like they need to go it alone.  There are a lot of conventions of weddings that are helpful to observe.  Without having ever performed in this capacity, it would be hard to discover these conventions on your own.  There are many ways one can observe the conventions of a wedding without being traditional too, so you don't need to feel like these resources need to be confining.

I have often needed these resources in the process of getting started.  Once I get the general framework of a wedding ceremony written, or the gist of a celebratory toast, then I'm off to the races, but beginnings are hard and I need some inspiration at times to get myself going.  Sometimes it is simply a well written phrase that snaps the couple into focus.  Sometimes it is simply a poem or a story.  Whatever that piece of inspiration is, use every resource available to you to find it.  There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

My Friends Ty and Britani's Wedding

3. Find the Centerpiece

Every ceremony I have ever performed, whether it is a wedding or a funeral has found a centerpiece.  For me, the centerpiece is the central idea, the main sentiment you want to leave people with.  It is also usually the last thing I discover in the process of drafting the early ceremony.  I can work on a rough draft of a ceremony for a long time, writing and rewriting sections for what feels like days, but it never even begins to feel complete or whole until I find the centerpiece.

Sometimes it is a poem that snaps things into focus for me.  Sometimes I simply need to write and rewrite until I capture a specific aspect of the couple's relationship, or the person's life, that feels right and true.  Once I have this centerpiece, the rest of the ceremony is written around it.  Most of the time this is an aggravating process because I want to get down to the business of rehearsing, of polishing the ceremony, but it is important to sit back and wait for that moment of clarity, that moment when you see the arc of the ceremony, the trajectory of the person's life, and manage to capture a piece of it in words.

The thematic centerpiece can be the most elusive element of the officiating task, but it is also the piece that will make the ceremony memorable to the audience and special to the people involved.  There's no real way around it.  It must be found.

The Happy Couple - My Brother and Sister-In-Law.  Picture by Jeff Lockhart

4. Balance

Almost everyone I know has attended the wedding or funeral where the officiant has taken an altogether solemn tone.  When dealing with a funeral, one expects it, but I have seen it take place at a wedding too.  Both events are solemn in their nature and deserve the respect of an officiant who understands the day's importance, but there are other sides to life, to marriage, even to death, and the officiant would do well to incorporate a degree of balance into any service they perform.

It can be easy to find the levity in a wedding, the comedic story in the life of a new couple.  Awkward first dates are ripe with material, sometimes proposal stories provide the necessary lightheartedness.  A groom's nervousness when approaching the institution of marriage can lead to a belly laugh as long as it is not embarrassing to the man's pride.  The blushing bride's initial apprehension of the young man she learned to eventually love can also be great material.

It can be harder to find the levity in a funeral, but I would argue that it is almost more important in this situation. When we say goodbye to our loved ones, we need to have a break from the weight of our grief.  The best way I know how to do this is to capture a moment that shows the lighter side of life.  I have almost always found this moment in the interview process with the family.

I can't remember where I heard it, but I remember getting writing advice concerning dark subject matter.  What the person told me was that a reader can only sustain a certain amount of trauma before they will put the book down in search of a break.  If an author doesn't provide that break, that moment of levity or humor, then a reader will abandon them.  The same holds true of the attendees at a funeral.  Find a way to provide them a little relief from their grief.  Find a way to provide them some small comfort, even if it is only by providing a brief moment where they can smile or chuckle.

My Brother and Sister-In-Law's Wedding.  Picture by Jeff Lockhart.

5. Enjoy Yourself

Like I said earlier, it is easy to get caught up in the solemnity of the event, to take yourself too seriously.  The reason you've been tapped, more often than not with non-religious officiants, is because you have some relationship to the couple (in the case of weddings) or the deceased (in the case of funerals).  It is a grand honor, and you should revel in it.

Even with funerals, I enjoy officiating the service.  Yes, it is a hard task, and, yes, I often break down and cry in public, but I still enjoy what it is I do. I get the chance to say goodbye to a loved one.  I get to find the words that will send them off into the next phase of existence, no matter what you think that might be.  I enjoy this moment, and I make sure to feel it when I officiate funerals.  Many people keep their grief bottled up inside, but I am provided the opportunity to let mine go, to send it out into the world, and, maybe, to allow someone else to get a little closer to their own grief.  Not a bad day's work.  So, when I say to "enjoy yourself," that's what I mean when it comes to funerals.

Weddings are much, much easier to have fun with.  Make jokes, dance, have a ball.  That's what weddings are for.  They are an affirmation of life and the ceremony should be a reflection of this.  The ceremony should send the couple into the next phase of their life with a sense of joy and affirmation.  Make sure you bring that to the table when you are putting together your portions of the ceremony.

If you pull it off, if you relax and have fun with the couple, then you are giving them a gift of a memorable wedding day.  You slow down time for a moment by allowing your words to wash over them, and you make them take stock, if only for a moment, of what the day means.  Then, you launch them out into the world to discover what life will bring them.  It's a fabulous place to stand,a fabulous view, when the bride and groom turn to face their family and friends, and you get to announce them for the first time as a married couple.  I've done it almost 17 times now, and I don't think that part ever gets old.  So, make sure to take the time to enjoy yourself in that moment.  If you are having fun, odds are so is everyone else.


These are just a few things I try and think about before I head into a funeral or a wedding.  I hope you find them useful.  These ideas have gotten me through 17 weddings and a handful of funerals.  I learn more and more with each one, so this may not be my last word on this issue.

Promise-ary Note: Making Connections and Writing Letters

My task for the week was to write 3 letters.  I struggled to think of who I should write the letters to, but I eventually figured it out through a series of events that seemed to deliver the recipients to me.

The first person I was sure would be a recipient was Devan Silva.  He was the one who claimed the long box of comics for my last promise.  He's a former student of mine and a great guy.  As a result of the comics promise, we got to talking a little bit and I learned that he is going through a bunch of life changes.  He is approaching graduation, starting work on his senior thesis, and expecting a new baby.  All of this change reminded me of my own experience in grad school. When I was going through my own personal life transformation, I found a couple of men who wound up being personal mentors to me.  In my letter, I offer up my services as a mentor to this young man.  I hope I'm not stepping over my bounds with this letter, but I remember being overwhelmed when I was in Devan's similar situation.  As he works on his thesis (in creative writing and literature), I can offer support.  As he moves into the wholly new realm of fatherhood, I can offer support and advice.  I'm glad Devan appeared at the time that he did, and I'm hoping my letter is well received.

My friends Amy and Brandon at my wedding.

My second letter goes out to an old friend of mine.  I've lost track of this debonair fellow over the course of the last five years, but he's been in my mind a lot recently.  I can't say why he's been on my mind, but the last couple of weeks has had me wondering after him.  He's notoriously hard to get in touch with, so I sent a text message to the last active cell phone number I had for him.  Radio silence.  I did a Spokeo search and wound up finding his parents' phone number.  After talking with his mom for a bit, I wound up getting in touch with him, which was a pleasant surprise.  I love this guy and I can't wait to hear more from him.

The last recipient came about as a fated fluke.  My father, Tracy, Shea, and I went to have Chinese food the other night.  When we broke open our fortune cookies, Shea found this!!!

It was in the cards.  My final letter goes out to my little one.  I wrote her a note of encouragement, telling her how proud I was of her, and I hope she enjoys it.  Tracy offered to mail the letters for me, so they are tucked into her purse and going out in the mail tomorrow.  Mission accomplished.

With each of these letters, I found a way of connecting to someone who plays a role in my life, either big or small.  It was a great exercise in connection.  I enjoyed the process of writing out the letters on my yellow pad.  While the letters are not deep or poetic, they are a way of making a connection with someone who has made themselves known in my life.  That makes it all worth while to me.

Writer's Notes: Writer's Tools

One of the most productive creative periods in my life was the result of my little rodeo notebook.

My trusty companion for a long time.  Now in pieces.

The rodeo notebook was a pocket-sized notebook that I could carry in my back pocket.  I carried that thing with me everywhere for years.  As you can see, it went through some wear and tear.  The binding didn't hold any longer and this is what's left of it.

The rodeo notebook fell apart years ago.  I haven't carried a writer's notebook with me since then.  I think this is a big mistake.  I often have ideas out in the world, in the moment, in the "wilds" of my life, and not in front of the computer.  As such, we need to have a writer's notebook with us to document the stray thought, the line of dialogue, the interesting character sketch that prompts a story.

I put a notebook in my jeans and a pen in my pocket and I'm equipped for any moment of inspiration no matter what.  And that's the idea here!  Writers can't be expected to be in possession of perfect memories.  Every attractive idea that crosses our mind is competing with a million more.  My problem is that the really good idea I had is often followed by another attractive, but less successful idea.  If I don't write down the good ideas, then I'll never remember them all.  I get distracted by shiny, attractive things be they ideas, women, cars, etc.  Just ask my wife.  She'll vouch for me on this one.  The writer's book solves any number of problems.  It allows me to take a moment to write down an idea and then rejoin a conversation instead of obsessing about it while pretending to listen.  Again, just ask my wife.  She's a trusted resource when it comes to my attention, or lack thereof.

So, in the spirit of touting the benefits of the writer's notebook, I'd like to introduce you to my new one, "Trusty Brown."  I had been talking to my wife about how I needed a new pocket notebook when she spied this free giveaway at a Portland Arts and Lectures series event with Chris Ware and Chip Kidd.  A new pocket notebook and free?!  How can life get any better?

My unassuming new pocket notebook!

I've already dedicated the first page to blog post ideas.  I'm still a little behind so I've only been posting on the promises lately, but the sore throat is almost gone and I'm almost caught up on my grading.  Life is good, people!

If you don't have a pocket notebook, get one today!  You'll be surprised at the results.  Let the brainstorm begin!

Promise-ary Note: Promise #6

For those of you who missed the 52 Promises post (a year-long project), you can find it here.

So I am a day early on drawing my new promise, but I liked the idea of giving myself an extra day, especially in light of the new promise.  The new promise for the week is...

The last couple of years have seen me scrap two attempts at the same novel concept.  It's a good thing for me to go through.  It shows me that I'm committed to the writer's life.  Even though hours of effort have been expended on a failed project, I return to the keyboard.

One of the reasons I failed in my previous novel attempts (at least I think so) is because I was writing what I thought I SHOULD write as opposed to what I loved writing.  This realization dawned on me this last summer and a new concept has since arisen to take the old novel's place.  I've been working on character sketches and scene studies for the new concept, but I haven't yet taken the entire plunge and set about writing a linear narrative.  The time is now!

I have a pretty solid idea of how the first act will unfold and how this will evolve in the second act, but I have no idea about the third.  I'm really comfortable with that and feel that it is exactly as it should be.  I don't want an entirely pre-determined ending.  I want the room to discover my characters and the overall story.  

This week will see me formalize what I think I know about the book.  Once I have the outline, I can begin to write in a more linear format and bring this project one step closer to the light of day.  This was one promise I wanted to pull early in the year, and it all worked out.

Looks like I'll be spending some quality time in my writing chair this week.

Photo courtesy of The Writing Fortress