It's been weeks since I have sat at the computer and tried to write, whether rewrite or compose, and I am racked with all of the self-doubt and worry that I had when I initially joined the program. I got done with the my current semester and I thought that I was due a break from the breakneck pace of revision I was maintaining over the last couple of months but I'm learning that this is quite possibly the worst thing I can do to myself.
Stepping away from the page, whether I am talking about fiction, the blog, or correspondence is not a good thing for me. At least not for prolonged periods of time. I feel like I need to completely relearn the tasks that I have come to have a grasp on over my time in the program.
Or, maybe I am overthinking this. That is possible. When I talk to Jack, he says that each new story is like learning to ride a bike all over again. There is no "mastering" that process of self-doubt and anxiety. The key, according to Jack, is to put one word after another, without thought of what the final product will be. More often than not one can't know what the story will eventually become so there is no sense of getting worked up about it until that first draft is complete. As you can see I am talking myself through this process. Giving myself a mental "hall pass" with which to wander through my imagination. I, too often, try to compose with a direction although I never wind up at that initial destination. Isn't that weird? One would think that the more I engage in this process the more likely that I could foresee what my work will become but that is not the case for me.
Okay, I think that's enough of the mental pep talk. I have a couple of story ideas I want to pursue and I just need to take that first step. Wish me luck.
