Father Notes: Getting Kids to Eat

I've just got done having "the" encounter with my daughter.  She didn't eat her dinner last night, choosing instead to go to bed early.  I was at the restaurant working, so I had no idea any of this was happening until I got done with work and checked my phone.  My wife had sent me a text to give me the heads up about what my morning would look like.  These are never fun.

My wife giving me a heads up.

While we almost never have to do it, we've had a couple of encounters with Shea refusing a meal.  The rule in our house is: if you don't eat it for dinner, you get it for breakfast.  If you don't eat it for breakfast, you get it for lunch.  You can see the trend here.

I was ready for the morning, even waking up a couple of minutes early in order to get the day started.  I figured there would be some initial resistance, but Shea usually caves once she realizes I'm serious about holding true to my promise.

Today was a bit different.  Shea was bargaining, playing the "I'm going to throw up" card, and even having an emotional breakdown at the table.  It was a mess.

Let me give you a bit of background on the situation first though.  Shea asked her mother to make the soup.  It wasn't that Tracy and I had cooked up liver and onions and were forcing her to eat it.  In that situation, she is required to take three bites and then she doesn't have to eat any more.  This situation was a bit different, so the rules are different.  We tell Shea that if she asks for something, then she has to eat it.  She doesn't have to finish it, for we are not "clean plate" parents, but she has to give a valiant attempt at eating whatever she has requested.  This is the reason we are being firm with her.  She asked for the soup.  Tracy made the soup FOR HER.  To turn her nose up at it once it has materialized is something we don't think is okay at our house.

So, it's 7:30 in the morning and Shea is sitting in front of her Broccoli Cheese soup.  She's cried, she's bargained, and she's threatened to get sick on the floor.  I'm standing firm.  At one point, Shea says, "It just smells so bad."

"OK," I say, "Plug your nose and eat."

"I can't do both," she says, trying to plug her nose with one hand while giving a halfhearted effort to scoop soup from the bowl.

"Here you go," I say, producing a small plastic clip from a kitchen utility drawer.  "Use this."  The girl actually put the clip on her nose.  I couldn't help myself, so I snapped a quick picture.

Nose Clip Soup

It didn't work as well as she hoped, but she got a good five bites in before I let her off the hook.  She's a good girl, but sometimes you simply have to put your foot down and make sure they understand that the rules are there for a reason, that you are not willing to compromise on everything, and that they won't be able to negotiate themselves out of things they've gotten themselves into.

In the end, it is "just soup."  I know this, but at the same time, we need to have some kind of principles that we enforce in our house, and I don't think this one is an unreasonable one.  If you ask for something to eat, you eat it.  Seems pretty cut and dried to me, but it begins to feel ridiculous when the child is in the middle of a tantrum and you can feel your blood boiling.  At that point, it isn't about soup.  It is about parenting and principle.  My daughter wanted to get away with something, and Tracy and I weren't letting her.  Sorry, sweetheart.  Not today.

Shea's a wonderful girl, and I have no doubt that she'll be back to her perky self by the time school is in session, but it was a challenging morning.  We'll have a better afternoon as I've arranged some time for Shea to hang out with both my mother and me this afternoon.  Fingers crossed for a good attitude.  I'm hoping to see a girl who looks more like this:

Birthday Party Face Paint