Limitless Desire

The gaping maw of free time is quickly approaching as spring term comes to a close, and it has gotten me thinking about what I want from this newfound freedom.  The answer is everything.  My downfall has never been my lack of interest in the world, but an overabundance of it.  I want to know everything.  I want to experience everything I can in this life because I know it is so short.  The result is an overabundance of desire.

I desire a consistent writing practice.  I want to read voraciously.  I want to train for a duathalon.  I want to spend time with my family.  I want to run through the sprinklers with my daughter.  I want to take Spanish classes, voice lessons, guitar lessons, and dance classes with my wife.  I want to go fishing and camping.  I want to hike the Pacific Crest Trail.  I want to travel to British Columbia, New Zealand, Vietnam, and Africa.  I want more time for intimacy with my wife.  I want to write letters to friends and to have long phone conversations with them.  I want to catch up on my Netflix queue.  I want to go to live theater.  I want to perform live theater.  I want all of these things and more.  I yearn for all of these things, and it sometimes paralyzes me.

The thing I understand about myself is that all of these things come from the same place, a place of love.  I love the world too much and, like a lover, I want to know every inch of the world and this lovely life we are given.  I want to explore it, to revel in all the pleasures and pains a close intimacy brings.  In the meantime, I have to pick.  

I've never been good at picking.

But I know I must, so I choose writing/reading, family, and travel for now.  These are the things I will actively pursue through the summer months.  I will work to deepen my connections to these people and practices and leave the others to the future.  I'm not giving up on any of my dreams.  That's not something I'm comfortable with.  I will be a dreamer and a student my whole life.  I will strive and push to have all the things I want while simultaneously providing for the wants, needs, and desires of my wife and child.  They deserve all the wonderful things the world has to provide as well, and I hope their lives are as abundantly blessed with desire.  

So, cheers to today and tomorrow.  Each day is full of our own potential, but potential begins with the dream, the desire to strive past our current self.