Insomnia

It's 2:45 in the morning and I'm unable to sleep. I've been tossing and turning in bed, turning the television on and off, listening to my wife breathe and nothing is helping me to sleep. It's maddening. So, I've poured myself a whiskey in an attempt to drug myself to sleep, opened a web browser and here I am.

It's amazing to me where my night thoughts go. So far I've covered the death of my parents, siblings, and wife. I've plotted out two weeks or so of lesson plans for the class I'll begin in less than a week, thought about the bar and the conversation I had with my owner, done some mental Christmas shopping for my wife, and on and on it goes.

I can't tell if it is anxiety that is keeping me up or if my wonky sleep schedule is finally catching up to me. It's hard to say. Swinging in between waking in the morning with the baby to closing the bar at 4 am is a hard thing to balance and I'm beginning to realize the toll it takes on me mentally and creatively. Lack of sleep isn't something to sneeze at, it's serious and I believe myself to be a pretty moderate insomniac even on my best days. The last weeks have really pushed the envelope though and I think I'm beginning to have some real fallout.

Well, the ice in my glass is cracking, inviting me to take another sip. Lets hope this works.