Addiction

I recently had an experience that brought up a bunch of questions surrounding alcoholism and addiction.  I don't want to get into too many details about it for the sake of the individual, but this external experience led me to an internal one.

As a result of the problematic actions of this individual, Tracy and I talked at length about alcohol, drugs, addiction, etc.  At one point, she said she was asked about her take on addiction.  Her response, "Well, Kyle's addicted to cigarettes, that's for sure."  I cringed at this statement.  It wasn't that Tracy said it.  That part is true.  I can't deny my addiction to cigarettes.

The part that bothered me was that the term "addict" applied to me.  This sent me on a verbal downhill slide where I passed through "addict" and into "junkie."  It may seem harsh, but the truth is still there.  I'm addicted to cigarettes and it results in a loss of control, much like a junkie.  I recoiled from the term, but I also embraced it.

For the first time in my life, I've accepted the term and its application to me.  I am an addict.  I'm addicted to cigarettes and nicotine. 

I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday night.