Zen and the Art of Waiting Tables

Tenth Anniversary weekend at the Wild Hare Saloon and Café is officially over, and I’m a little sad to see it go.  I worked the whole weekend—Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  Saturday was the big hootenanny with the Gentlemen’s Club Band and they tore it up!  The night was so much fun full of music, dancing, familiar faces, and a real celebration of our time together as the Wild Hare community.  I couldn’t have asked for a better party, but Saturdays inevitably turn to Sundays, and I found myself back at the Hare.

Photo courtesy of the Wild Hare

In an effort to be responsible, I left my rig at the Hare.  Since Shea had a birthday party to go to on Sunday afternoon, I wound up coming to the hare over two hours before my shift began.  I walked into the 10th anniversary party part 2 as many of the folks from the night before were there for breakfast and drinking down the mimosas.  The energy in the room was high, almost electric with excitement carried over from the night before.  I joined a large table of friends and ordered myself a big ol’ burger to help me fuel up for my coming shift.  After talking and laughing for a while, I retired to the back to read my book and enjoy some quiet time.  It wasn’t meant to be.

One of our servers was blindsided by a family emergency in the middle of her shift, so I scooted her out the door and jumped out into the restaurant to lend a hand.  It was a nice Sunday afternoon with the party going on and a few other families having a late lunch/early supper.  It was the opposite of a normal Sunday. Normally the energy of the shift starts slow and ramps up to the dinner rush.  This shift was due to present me with all kinds of exceptions to the rule.

First, I caught up on the other server’s closing work, got the place tidied up a bit and hit the floor.  It wasn’t long before we were full to capacity in the restaurant and the bar.  I had to hit the ground running.  After a few awkward moments of trying to figure out what was going on, I thought I was getting everything under control, although I have to admit that I had a bit of anxiety about my service as I felt a little fuzzy headed. That’s when the wine glass happened.

Photo provided by HC Online

As I was collecting a tray full of new drinks off the bar, I turned to make my way to the table.  The sound of glass breaking was what made me aware of my blunder.  In my attempt to hustle, I had spun around too quickly and l launched a full glass of wine over the edge of my tray.  It crashed to the floor and sent glass shards across the floor of the bar area.  My heart dropped.  I was already feeling behind the gun a little bit, and now I would have to find broom, dustpan, mop, and gracious apologies for those who were sitting near the spill.  It wasn’t what I needed in that moment.

With the help of my gracious server, Melissa, we got the mess cleaned up lickity split, and I had a new glass of Wine by Joe sitting on my tray as I made my second attempt to navigate my way out on to the floor.  I was feeling totally unsettled, adrift, floating into the weeds, afraid I would drop the ball and give someone bad service.  That’s when I had my moment of zen.  

As I was entering dinner orders into the computer, my thoughts clamored through my to-do list.  I was unorganized, shaken, and ready to freak out.  The energy from earlier, the daytime server’s personal anxiety, the wine glass, and a couple of other situations had set me to work with bad energy.  I was anxious when I didn’t have to be.  The thought crossed my mind, “It’s just burgers and fries, Kyle.”  This is one emergency mantra of the management at the Wild Hare.  We use it to try and calm down servers in just this situation. It’s a reminder to not get too overwhelmed, to calm down, to have fun, to smile for Chrissake.  I decided to take my own advice.

While I had about seven things to do in that exact moment, I stopped.  I turned from the computer, surveyed the restaurant, looked over the customers and their tables, counted heads, and just took in the scene.  I wasn’t making a mental checklist.  I wasn’t freaking out about what was going to come next.  I just watched them for a moment and realized they had no clue I was panicking.  The way I figured it, if they aren’t upset, then I have no reason to be upset.  I took another deep breath and walked back out on to the floor.

The next day, the daytime server said she waited on a couple at lunch who had been in the night before. They had such a great experience the night before that they decided to come in for lunch.  They told her, “The gentleman who waited on us did such a good job.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I don’t know which table they sat at or who they were, but it just proves that sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and forge ahead.  There’s no need to let anxiety rule.  Breathe.   Breathe.  Maybe it’s all just burgers and fries after all.

Image courtesy of Lifetasteslikefood.com

I Think I Love Ann Patchett

I fell in love with Ann Patchett today.  Driving home from work , I happened to be listening to "Think Out Loud" on OPB Radio.  The conversation was a pre-recorded one, but I am so glad that no students made afternoon appointments with me.  It was kismet, fate, destiny.  My life had led me to my early afternoon commute.  Patchett's common sense, practical, and frank discussion about issues surrounding the writing life, teaching, waiting tables, making money, and a number of other things seduced me in an instant.

If you aren't familiar with Ann Patchett, she is the author of the book Bel Canto, State of Wonder, and the recently released This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage.  She is also the owner of an independent bookstore called Parnassus Books.  With these qualifications alone, I am bound to swoon, but the interview she gave to OPB sealed the deal for me.

Have you ever received a letter at the exact time you needed to hear from a friend?  Has a stranger given you a compliment at the exact moment you needed one?  Well, Ann Patchett arrived on my air waves at the moment I needed her.  She discussed the challenges of trying to be a writer while being a university teacher (check), she talked about how waiting tables helped her make ends meet as her "other job" (check again), and she discussed how freelance nonfiction writing can be a tool to desensitizing yourself to scrutiny while building up your skills for your creative work in fiction (check, check, and check).  Each of these things is happening to me now, in this instant, and I couldn't help but feel like the interview was given for me alone.  I know that is terribly ego-centric, but it felt delivered, spoken directly to all the fears and concerns that enfold me every day.  You can read or listen to the entire interview here.

I have yet to read Patchett's work, but I know who I am picking up next.  I may even buy her book from her independent bookstore because she promises to sign every copy purchased through their website.  I want my dollars to go directly into her pocket.  I want her to profit off her work and the hope she gave me today.  The last fifteen minutes of my commute were spent parked outside my house.  This was my view:

Oregon Public Broadcasting and National Public Radio call this a "driveway" moment.  A moment where the radio programming is so intriguing there is nothing else to do but sit in your car and wait for the segment to end.  I watched my neighbor blow his leaves out of his yard the whole time.  I don't feel a bit guilty.  It was the best possible use of my time all week.

Braiding Time

It was a "Daddy and Me" night tonight in the Lang household.  Shea and I often title our days/nights alone together, and tonight was no exception.  We got home just before 6 and I set to making dinner while Shea did her reading homework.  She carried her book into the kitchen while I was making dinner and she read me such intriguing titles as "Rub a Dub," "Sox the Fox," and "The Big Hat."  If you are a parent of a new reader and you haven't heard of the Bob Books, then check them out here.

She sounded out the words she didn't know, but she plugged right along.  She's come a long way since this day.  I made a dinner of thick ham steaks steamed in a pan with a little maple syrup added to sweeten the mix, broccoli florets, and green beans.  I was craving green vegetables, so we heaped them on tonight.  As we sat down to eat, Shea and I talked about her day at school.  She told me all about her teachers, her friends, and we just caught up with each other, something I'll never get tired of if I live to be a hundred.

After cleaning up and taking care of a few things, Shea and I adjourned to her room for a little play time.  I was stoked because it was barely seven and that meant we had over an hour to play.  We started with blocks and quickly adjourned to the doll house.  We got out all the debris left over from the last sleepover and quickly pulled out a stack of dolls and My Little Ponies to play with.  Shea wanted to have a beauty shop play time, so we brought out the brushes, the hair clips, and the pony tail holders and got to work on creating some new hairstyles.

Shea has been practicing braiding a little bit with some ribbon safety pinned to a throw pillow, but she hasn't quite mastered the practice yet.  It's a hard thing for her to do with both hands, especially the left, but she wants to know how, so she works really hard at mastering the skill.  Tonight we worked together to braid the manes and tails of her ponies.  It was a comedy of errors in the beginning, but she eventually sensed the pattern, the repetition we were creating in moving the three strands.

This took about a half an hour.

The time was well spent.  I could feel my daughter developing a skill she wanted to possess and I got to have my daughter in my lap or beside me for the duration.  She was so proud of what she had created when she was done that I had to take a picture.

If only every day could be as great!

Dressing Up, Dressing Down

This weekend was an eventful one for the ol' Lang family.  We had soccer games, sleep overs, a school fundraiser auction, and work, so it was nice for Tracy and I to take a little break and have some fun with the whole auction scenario this week.

The St. John the Apostle school in Oregon City hosts an annual auction every year out at Oregon Golf Club in West Linn, Oregon.  It's a nice club perched up on the hill, and the facilities where the auction was held is an open event space that was packed to the gills with knickknacks, gift baskets, dinner tables, a dance floor, and other auction paraphernalia.  Most people take the chance to dress up and use it as a nice evening out.  There were suits and party dresses galore at the function.

Me and my entourage, less so.

The idea came to us when Tracy and I were hanging out with some new friends who had convinced us to go to the auction for the first time this year.  We had never been to this event, and so we had little knowledge of how the whole thing operated.  In fact, I've only been to one other auction that doubled as a crab feed, so my expectations were pretty casual.  The auction had a disco theme this year, and we all thought it made the event ripe for some additional fun.  That's where the costumes came into play.

Thanks to Helen's Pacific Costumes in Portland, our party got decked out in some fly '70s gear.  While our buddy Ben decided on Austin Powers and the girls decided to go the go-go route, I stuck with one of the most iconic images I remember from the '70s.  John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.  My parents had the vinyl record when I was a kid and I remember John's iconic white suit splashed across the cover in a spray of multi-colored disco lights.  It was an obvious choice for me.  Here is the original:

Here's my rendition:

We all had a ball.  Thanks to our friends being late to our house, we made a fashionable entrance onto the scene.  It was a little traumatizing to find myself staring through a gigantic wall of greenhouse-like windows into a formal event when you've arrived looking like I did, but everyone greeted us warmly and gave us kudos for adding a little dazzle to the event.  Nothing like not taking yourself too seriously to make friends.  I was introduced to so many people that night because of what I was wearing.  It made the evening.

The rest of the company looked great as well.  Tracy walked through the event all night and people asked her, "Who are you?"  They couldn't recognize her with her wig and giant, silver glue-on eyelashes.  I loved her dress the moment I saw it in the costume shop, but the knee-red boots really sealed the deal.  Here we are as a group.

The only drawback to the event can be found here:

People should never be asked to wear these medieval torture devices, let alone to a party where you are expected to dance!  I was ready to dress down out of these shoes the moment I put them on.  Although it was cool being tall for a night.

Work Life Balance

Any time one decides to take on extra work, an additional project, or just a couple hours of overtime, the threat of upsetting the work-life balance becomes immediately real.  In the last couple of weeks, I have found this to be true.  Like a new romance, new endeavors can have their romantic period, a time flush with the fever of the new and unknown.  A project can be seductive, distracting a person from his normal mental routines and causing him to become a touch obsessive about the object.  The danger here is losing track of all other aspects one's life.  With this in mind, I began researching work-life balance to see if others had similar experiences and/or tips for remaining balanced in periods of change.  Here is one man I've found who asks some of the same questions.

His name is Alain de Botton, and he is a writer who brings philosophy into the everyday.  He is also the founder of the School of Life, which is a social enterprise that questions the basics of life and tries to make learning and therapy relevant.  I first found him on GoodReads when I ran into this quote:

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life."

I wasn't on a roll in terms of finding those tips that would lead to a greater sense of balance between work and the rest of my life.  I was encouraged by this quote though; it validated something I've been experiencing lately.  For example, sleep is something that is taking the back seat these days.  About twice a week, I am up at 3:30 a.m. working on new material or reading books like Jay Baer's Youtility, but I am also up at 6:30 to get Shea ready for school.  It isn't a lot of sleep, but I do feel pretty good because I'm working on things I enjoy, on a new direction for the family.

What this does provide me though is a fair bit of anxiety.  New projects and new endeavors, change of any kind really, can be nerve-racking, and I do sense that I am a little wound up.  That's when I dug a little further into Alain de Botton and found his TedTalk.  

If you aren't familiar with Ted.com, then you need to follow the link immediately.  There are talks on all kinds of subjects available there.  Everyone will find something they enjoy.  After all, their motto is "ideas worth spreading."  But that is a little off topic.

After a couple of minutes of listening to his talk, I found this quote, “It’s perhaps easier now than ever before to make a good living.  It’s perhaps harder than ever before to stay calm, to be free of career anxiety…”  In all my talks with friends, family, customers at the bar, and students at the college, this does seem to be true.  So many people I talk to have this anxiety in one form or another, so I wonder what it is I am chasing.  What ideal of work-life balance is there out there?  

It isn't that the idea is unimportant, but it is an ideal that may be un-achievable if one is working hard at challenging one's self.  This feeds into Alain de Botton's concept of success and failure that he talks about in his Ted Talk.  I'll be working on this balance my whole life because I know myself well enough to know that I'm always in search of the next challenge, the next adventure.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my time with my family and friends, but I am willing to lose maybe an hour or two of sleep in pursuit of the next challenge that presents itself.

Community on Veteran's Day

Veteran's day began as Armistice Day in 1938.  Dwight D. Eisenhower eventually declared November 11th as Veteran's Day on October 8th (facts courtesy of the Department of Veterans Affairs).  It is a day where we are meant to commemorate the men and women who have served this country by dedicating their lives to the armed forces.  It is not a day to take lightly.  I was thinking about it all day, and I wondered how I was going to be able to observe the day in the appropriate way.

I close the Wild Hare on Mondays, and I knew I would encounter at least a couple of veteran's over the course of my shift.  I knew I would buy a beer or two over the course of the day.  I thought that was how I would do it.  I would treat some of those men and women to a cold one.  Day observed, right?  Well, almost.

After a solid dinner and nice rush of twenty-somethings afterward, I thought the shift was winding down.  To my surprise, a young couple came in twenty minutes before the restaurant closed.  I served them dinner, and was thinking THIS would be the end of the shift.  About 5 minutes before the restaurant closed, this group entered the restaurant looking for something to eat.

(Photo courtesy of Debbie Turrentine)

They were apologetic for arriving just before closing, and they were even willing to walk back out the door.  I knew immediately this was an unacceptable scenario.  I insisted they sit down so I could serve them something hot from the kitchen.  

The family took their seats, and I got them a round of drinks.  When I returned to the table, the senior member of the family, the serviceman, offered me his hand and said, "Thank you for serving us."  I was flabbergasted.  I immediately retorted, "Thank YOU for serving US."  The whole family was so polite and gracious throughout the whole evening.  I was touched.  As I worked around the restaurant, working through my closing duties, I listened to the whole family laughing and carrying on.

I knew the owner, Joan Monen, would want me to buy the man a drink.  I did.  It wasn't enough.  I decided in that moment that I would purchase the man's dinner and the rest of his drinks.  He only had one more drink and a bowl of chili, but I wanted to do this for him.  I went to the computer, split the man's food and drink off the main tab, reached into my tip jar, and paid the tab before anyone could object.

It was a small gesture, the only kind available to me at that juncture, but it was enough.  The man wound up shaking my hand and thanking me for the service and the kindness.  It was like he was stepping on my lines.  These were the things I needed to say to him.  He was so kind the entire evening.  I just wanted to say thank you for everything he did.  He joked with me the rest of the night, and his family, I think, had a great experience at the Wild Hare.   

This is what the owner and management of the Wild Hare call the "Wild Hare Way."  It is the standard of service we hope to provide to our customers when they come in.  Is every day like this?  Every table visit?  Every customer exchange?  No.  It is not.  Do we strive to make it that way?  Yes, we do.  The way we create community within our towns is by being kind, personable, and attentive to others.  This goes beyond the server-customer dynamic.  It is how community is created on any number of scales.  Attention, kindness, and affection are the keys here.  Today is supposed to remind us of that.  I consider myself reminded.

Channeling Voices - Or Channels and Voices

I'm taking the plunge into a new venture soon and I feel a little like the image below--exihilarated, excited, and a bit out of focus in the moment.  It isn't that I don't have a clear direction for where I think I am going next, but I have not put all the tools in place to take me there...yet.

Image courtesy of Kyle Lang

I am soon going to run into the struggle between personal and professional.  I'm realizing that the online presence I have is going to become a bit of an issue as I will need to "brand" myself and my services soon.  Also, I am using personal tools to execute on a professional project.  This won't do.  Some of you who have followed the blog in the past may notice that the name of the blog has changed.

When I set up this blog as a place to contemplate identity and social roles, I didn't foresee the direction my life might move.  When I logged into the blog the other day, I realized that its title might be off-putting to people who might try to find me professionally somewhere down the line.  As a result, a fracturing must occur.  I must separate my personal online presence from the professional one.

This will result in "channels" of online identity.  Places where one may find the professional side of me and one where you may find the personal side of me.  The two must play nicely, like siblings within a family, but they are allowed to be their own separate beings.  The two must represent the family well, but each is allowed a distinctive voice that contributes to the family's larger image.

I won't be posting much more about the technical side of my future endeavor, but I will be talking about the challenges this new role will bring to me personally.  I don't want to bog down my friends and family with too much of the technical and professional, and I don't want future clients to have to wade through family photos in an attempt to find me and my services online.  I'll have channels for each, and each will have their own voice.

It's a one of many new challenges that will arise in the coming months, but one that I am eager to explore in the near future.

Say Something, Say Something, Anything

In the '90s the band James released the album, Laid, and it was a hit among the teenagers of the time.  One of my favorite tracks was always "Say Something".  Its lyrics are as follows (image courtesy of Wikipedia):

Say something, say something, anything.
I've shown you everything.
Give me a sign.
Say something, say something, anything.
Your silence is deafening.
Pay me in kind.

I love this song and lately it has bounced around my head as I think of different types of blog posts for potential customers.  This has become a bit of an obsession as as it applies to multiple sectors of the economy.  Although I love this song and its lyrics, it isn't quite the right sensibility for content marketing.

Content marketing is the concept of providing quality information about your business in an effort to allow your customers to get to know you better, to build brand loyalty, and to bring self-serve information to them when they are ready to find you out in a crowded marketplace.  It is a unique idea in that content marketing isn't just about launching promotions, about "selling" yourself to your customer, but making yourself available to them when they want you.

Content marketing is sincere, informative, timely, and necessary in a fractured digital marketplace.  According to Youtility by Jay Baer, customers in 2011 needed 10.4 sources of information before making a purchasing decision.  This is up from 5.3 sources in 2010.  With this dramatic increase in customer researching trends, companies that stay on the forefront of information will be the ones who are found.  As such, content marketing, the act of providing sincere and informative resources to customers, is becoming more and more necessary no matter what segment of the marketplace you are in.

This is where the James song comes into play, although tangentially.  As a company in the modern marketplace, you need to "say something, say something," but it can't be "anything."  The information modern consumers are looking for is open, honest, and revealing about your company.  They aren't looking for more hype, more media noise.  They are looking for a reason to connect with your company in particular.  It is my mission to help you find that content, develop it, and deliver it.  If you say the right something, if you develop your online presence in open and responsive ways that your customers crave, then they will surely give you a sign and pay you in kind.

That is the mission.  I choose to accept it.  Thanks, James.

Impulses

In light of my last post about big changes afoot, I thought I would begin to describe the impulse that brings me to this place.  I am an enabler.  I don't mean this in the negative pop psychology sense of the word, but, rather, in the sense that I believe myself to be motivated, and even gifted, with the ability to help others achieve their potential.  It is this propensity, this gift, that has lead me to this moment, where I try and turn my gift into something more, to work it, adapt it, and shape it into something that enables not only individuals with dreams, but the dreams themselves.

I want to become a resource for those in my community who are working to carve out a piece of the world that is their own.  I want to assist them in their endeavors by bringing my words, my compassion, my enabling tendencies to the table in order to help them improve their own circumstances.

How does one do that?

In my case, it is by writing.  I am looking to move into the future by being a megaphone for others.  By working in tandem with the people of my community, I want to develop a business where I can function as the ghost writer of dreams and ambitions.  I want to help others capitalize on their gifts by using my own.  In my mind, it is a win-win situation.

I've been looking for a way to write for money.  I'm not ashamed of that.  I love to write, and I want to find a way to do it for the rest of my life.  I write creatively in many forms: stories, poems, essays, etc, but those are not the most lucrative pursuits at the moment.  So, I turn to my past experience as a business professional who wrote marketing materials, request for proposal responses, and other copy in order to create a future where I find myself in front of the blank page.

My former teacher, Jack Driscoll, once said, "The impulse to write is the impulse to love -- to love humans, to love language, to love the world."  I see my new venture as a way of upholding these ideals, a way of embracing them.  The people I hope to work for in the future, after I have finished my LLC application, business plan, and mission statement, are all people I love.  They have been role models for me in many different ways throughout my life, and I see a void in their operations I can fill.  So as I take my first steps into this bright future, rising early into darkened November mornings, and working late into misty evenings, I do so with a passion and purpose that sets me alight, and casts light into what looks distinctly like the future.

Big Changes

The last couple of months have seen big changes for me personally.  I've been struck by a new idea that could lead to the formation of a new endeavor that would capitalize on my love of writing while ensuring that I am home more.  While I can't reveal all of the details, the last couple of months have found me diving into research and development of the concept.

One of the major shifts that will result from this new endeavor is a much greater online presence and a new "re-branding" of my online identity.  It is an exciting new world full of new risks, challenges, and rewards, and one that I look forward to with the type of excitement that gets my heart beating, races my thoughts in a million different directions, and provides a concrete path to using my talents with words in new and exciting ways.

As a result, I am going to recommit myself to this online endeavor.  The blog will move beyond a repository for personal thoughts and transform into a den of ideas, concepts, and, yes, the occasional post about my family and the roles that sustain me in life.  For those of you who got in on the ground floor and encouraged this early version of the blog, I thank you.  Your support and encouragement has been the ground in which this new seed has been planted.  You'll hear from me soon.  And often.  I hope you find this idea as thrilling as I do.

Until next time.