Personal Note: What Vacation Teaches Me

The View from my cabin at Odell Lake

I just got back from a short 4-day vacation at Shelter Cove Resort at Odell Lake in central Oregon.  It was 4 days without cell service, without alarm clocks, without commutes, work days, and all the accoutrement that goes with the modern life.  Here are 3 things I was able to take away from those 4 days.

1. No one but me will defend my time.

I need downtime.  Everyone does.  But I am terrible at protecting myself and insulating myself from the pressures of work.  I almost always say "yes" to requests from work, and it is starting to become a barrier to my own personal desires and the relationships with my family.  When I did some poking around and reading about work/life balance and overworking, I ran into this quote:

We often hear of people breaking down from overwork, but in nine out of ten they are really suffering from worry or anxiety. - John Lubbock

This is very much true for me.  I have a tendency to put off my personal desires in pursuit of work, or of tending to my family, which is not to place blame on them.  It is a character fault of my own.  I need to be a better defender of my own time and to be more disciplined in accomplishing my own goals.  

This is the first lesson.

2. Reading is still one of my favorite pasttimes.

I finished a book and a half in the 4 days I was on vacation.  It was marvelous.  Almost every morning I awoke before the others in the cabin.  I turned on the coffee pot and sat with my book.  I pounded through the last half of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and I almost got all the way through One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories by B.J. Novak.  

It takes me back to grad school where my advisor, John Rember, once told me, to paraphrase, that "the writing life looks like sheer idleness from the outside."  When I spend 4 days in the woods reading and ruminating, I feel like I've gotten something done.  I feel like I can breathe and work and create.  

In the time I spent in the large windows of the cabin, bathed in morning light, I came up with a couple of new ideas for the TV series I am writing. I got myself unlocked from a plot thread that had me pinned for a moment, and I was able to actually dedicate a portion of my mental real estate to my own creative endeavors.  The words of others help me with this.  Reading helps me with this.  Being submerged in the waters of others' creative works gives me hope that my own creativity has a place in the world.  

3. Sleep is my friend.

I'm a terrible sleeper.  Well, once I'm sleeping I'm fine, but I am a terrible self-manager when it comes to putting myself to bed.  I can distract myself with this, that, or the other for hours on end in the wee hours when the rest of my family sleeps.  I used to think this was my most creative time, but I am slowly learning that this is probably not the case.  

Many times, I will find myself distracted by the television, by the internet, by a stiff cocktail, or any number of other things.  What I need to be doing is putting myself to bed so that I wake recharged with the energy to dedicate to my own creative endeavors.  

Self-care...not my strong suit.

I have an eye mask that I know works to put me to sleep, as well as some lavender pillow spray that helps me fall down into sleep, but I don't use them.  I somehow allow myself to engage in "mindless idleness" instead of "mindful idleness."  It's time to change the way I behave in order to encourage more of the latter.  In fact, that may just be my next blog post..."Mindless Idleness vs. Mindful Idleness."  More on that soon.

So, for me, next steps are to remember my lessons, to rededicate myself to the process of working hard for a creative life, which sometimes means indulging in pure idleness.  Thanks, John Rember, for the permission.

Peeling the Onion: A New Encounter

To borrow a line from the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother, "Haaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted?"

Ted Ramsey is a newer edition to the Wild Hare family, and I've had the pleasure of getting to know him over the past couple of months.  He's a vivacious, pleasant young man who is quick to smile and quick to engage with other people, but I didn't really get to know this young man until I sat down with him over a beer after work the other night.

It is so easy to assume that you know people from the sparse interactions you may have with them throughout a day.  You work side by side with them, so you think you have an idea of who they are and what they are about.  I have to tell you that Ted was one of those surprises that caught me completely unaware.

Let's start with what I thought about Ted in the beginning.  He seemed nice, charming, and good for a laugh.  I thought him young, fresh, just out of college, and, while smart, maybe not that worldly in his experience in life.  I was wrong.

When Ted and I sat down to have a beer together, it became quickly obvious that this was a young man with potential! He had a diverse range of interests and a lot of experience for one his age.  For example, Ted worked as a singer on a cruise ship for a year.  He worked for years in Washington D.C. on public policy issues, aaaaaaaaaaaand there is this:

Ted was a part of the University of Oregon a capella group "On The Rocks" that was featured on NBC's Sing Off a couple of years back.

It's amazing what happens when you put your assumptions aside and actually engage others in conversation.  I had an overly simplistic view of this young man in my head, and I'm glad I got the opportunity to be corrected.  Stereotyping and snap judgments are easy to do, especially as we get older and feel like we "know" more, but I was glad to be wrong in this case as I got to better know a nice young man who I might have overlooked if I kept my blinders on.

Plus, and you know this is true, I just wanted to post that Youtube video and see if I couldn't get people to embarrass Ted at work.

Personal Note: The Big Think

The last couple of days have found me in a personal pickle.  I've been presented with an opportunity to take my life in a new direction of sorts, or to at least pick one direction from amongst the many I'm working at any given time.  It's put me in an introspective space, a mindful insulated place where I don't know what my next move will be.

As such, I found myself feeling that old urge I get whenever I'm percolating a new idea/opportunity: the urge to drive!  After I got off work, I jumped in the truck and proceeded to drive around town.  I've always loved to drive, to take off and hit parts unknown, to drive on roads I'm unfamiliar with and get a little lost.  Although this time, I was drawn almost immediately to the McLoughlin Promenade.

In Oregon City, there is a 7+ acre linear park that runs along the ridge above downtown.  It's edged on one side by a sheer drop and on the other by businesses and historic homes.  It's a nice place to visit in the day, but it feels a bit dodgy at night.  I took the risk though.  For some reason, I needed to sit above downtown and gaze into the distance toward Portland.

It was a beautiful night.

The view from near the Oregon City elevator.

It was perfectly warm and spring was in the air.

Magnolia (?) tree near the elevator

I didn't necessarily come up with any great ideas, any real solutions to my dilemma, but I did find peace of mind and a spot for a quick ten minute meditation as I gazed out over the city lights of Portland twinkling in the distance.

It's important to take a moment to clear the mind before making any life-altering decisions.  A long drive, a meditative moment, or a good run are all good ways of centering oneself before committing to the fray.  I've made many a good decision as a result of these three techniques.  I'm hoping to keep using these techniques in the coming weeks as I begin to decide what it is I really want and how I am going to get there.

Life is a grand adventure, and these moments of decision, or real choice with real consequence, should be a reminder that it is so.  The fact that I find this decision so challenging is because it means I am invested in my life.  In many ways, that's all I've ever wanted.  It's the reason I write, the reason I read, the reason I love.  To quote some Yiddish from Fiddler on the Roof, "l'chaim." TO LIFE!

Husband Notes: One Proud Spouse

In a marriage, it is easy to begin to assume certain things about your spouse.  After you've been together for a decade, you think you know the person better than they know themselves.  I was recently proved wrong in this regard, and I found myself swelling with pride at the person I thought I knew.

Don't get me wrong, my wife is amazing.  There is no doubt about that.  What surprised me though was a recent situation she had at work.  It's not my place to go into the details of the situation, but I can tell you this.  Tracy got the job done!!!

Tracy's work made a decision she didn't agree with. She took the risk and explained her point of view to the big bosses and they sided with her.  What surprised me is this: my wife isn't one for confrontation.  She isn't one to buck rank and go against the higher ups.  She believes in hard work and she'll put her head down and get the job done if they ask her to do so.  This time she surprised us all and stood up for what she believed to be a better corporate decision.

Image Source

And that's where my lovely wife won the day.

She went to the big bosses with perfectly logical and well-reasoned explanations for why they should reverse their course of action.  She framed her point of view in terms of the company's bottom line and operational capacities, and the big bosses backed her up all the way.  Not only did they side with her decision, but they took extra action that eased the workload on my wife.

She did all of this while remaining calm, focused, and determined.  She amazes me, and I'm proud to call her my wife.  I know my wife, but there are still moments where she catches me off guard and shows me that she's still got some tricks up her sleeve.  She's still got that feminine mystery that keeps me coming back for more.

When she's all strong and confident like this?  Well, that girl is HOT!

Male Teacher Teaching Feminism in the Classroom

I love addressing the issue of Feminism in my classroom.  It often sponsors some of the best dialogue throughout the entire term.  As such, I usually poke around for the Feminist issue of the day in preparation for class discussion.  Today, when I searched "Men's Issues" on Google News to cover the "other side," I discovered the following infographics.

These infographics are meant to help us decide if we are a feminist or not.  The first one is meant to be comical and to open the door to people who might be real reluctant on this issue.

Infographic courtesy of The Guardian's Emer O'Toole

The next is meant to address the complexity of feminism with a bit more realism.

Infographic courtesy of The Guardian's Emer O'Toole

I like the second one quite a bit, especially the responses to the middle box on the left.  It shows that there are multiple ways of "seeing" feminism, and this is much the same response I get in the classroom.  People possess all kinds of views toward gender equality, and it is often hard to get them to address them in public.

Early in any conversation I host around gender equality, I usually wind up asking, "Who here considers themselves a feminist?"  The number of hands in the air is usually in the single digits.  The first time this happened I was shocked, but I found that it wasn't that people were against feminism, but they often had misconceived ideas of what feminism was.

A good Feminism text for Beginners by Sally J. Scholz

After the first couple of times of lecturing my students after the meager response to "Who here is a feminist," I began asking students to define feminism for me.  This is a casual brainstorm where I right terms and phrases on the board for everyone to read.  Students simply call out their associations and I write until I get a pretty good response set.

Once the board has a number of different associations, we begin to address these ideas one by one.  I've found it to be the most useful exercise in teaching any form of equality.  I do the same thing with civil rights, race, marriage equality, etc.  Those hot button issues that are sometimes scary for teachers to address.

Instead of lecturing, of revealing your own politics, ask the students to reveal theirs.  Give them the safe place in which to analyze their assumptions, and you'll often find that some of the students leave with a somewhat clarified expression of their own beliefs.

Me Lecturing.  Oops!

For teachers, it isn't about making sure students adopt our politics, it's about making them take a moment to analyze their own and understand why they feel the way they feel on certain issues.  It's taken me a long time to come to this point...6 years, and I'm still improving on it, but it feels right when I hear students expressing themselves about complicated issues.  I simply have to remember to get out of the way and mediate the conversation so it doesn't get heated, to clarify points that may have been stated poorly, or to force a student to examine a presupposition of their own line of thinking.  Oftentimes, they even force me to analyze my own.

I consider myself a feminist.  Proudly so.  Some may argue that a man shouldn't be teaching Feminism in the classroom, but I would argue that students need to see BOTH men and women addressing the issue, even if they come at it from different angles.

Classroom Activities for the First Day of Composition

The first day of any term provides specific challenges in terms of how to set the tone for your class, and this term proved no different.  There is so much information I have to download into my students in terms of what the class expectations are, assignments, the book, alternate resources, etc that it becomes overwhelming to both them and me.  So, here are a couple of things that I did this term that seemed to work well.

1.) Poem of the Day: I begin every class with the poem of the day.  It is how I get my students into the mindset that class has begun.  It also serves as their notice that they are tardy for class.  If the poem of the day has been read, then they are late.

More so than any educational purpose, I simply like reading poetry to them.  I don't ask them to talk about the poems, to write about them, or to analyze them.  I simply ask they they take a couple of minutes out of their day to listen to a poem.  On the first day of class, I always read "Introduction to Poetry" by Billy Collins.  It sets up the term nicely and reinforces the idea that I'm not looking for them to tell me what the poem "really means."

2.) Four Sentence Introductions: Students are required to write four complete sentences about themselves in order to give the class a better idea of who they are.  They are required to give their full name in one of the sentences.  Once the entire class has finished writing their four sentences, they are required to read them aloud.

This activity is great because it is also an assessment tool.  I can begin to see where students are in their understanding of basic sentence structure.  While I don't collect this bit of writing, it could easily be collected and used to more formally assess where the class is at in their understanding of grammar and sentence structure.

3.) Don't Print the Syllabus: Portland Community College has an online system that creates a homepage for every class.  On this page is a repository for files.  I upload my syllabus onto the class page, show students where the syllabus lives, and then proceed to go through the syllabus on the overhead projector.

This is a new one for me as this is the first term I've tried it, but there were some fascinating results yesterday.  Students took notes as I went through the syllabus!!!  Instead of burying their faces in the syllabus document, they were looking up and engaging with me and what I was saying about the syllabus.  They knew they could always access the syllabus later, so they were more interested in what I had to say about the syllabus, rather than the syllabus itself.

Now, the proof is in the pudding, so I will have to wait until later in the term to see if students respond better to this method, but it looks good so far.

4.) Reading Aloud: I almost always start each term with the same reading by Anne Lamott from her book Bird by Bird.  It is the chapter entitled "Shitty First Drafts."  It is a comedic piece about process, about letting go of perfection in the first draft and realizing that writing is rewriting.  All of my classes stress this idea, that first drafts are all inherently "shitty" on some level.  This reading allows me to convey that to them in a humorous way.  Also, Anne Lamott cusses before I do, so there's always that.

I find it important to assess reading skills as well as writing skills early in the term.  In order to be a good writer, you must be a good reader.  I find that many of my students are underdeveloped in this area.  In fact, there are many times when I feel that it is students' reading skills that hold them back in my class even more so than their writing skills.  When you ask a student to write you a research paper and they have underdeveloped reading skill, then of course the result is going to be an essay that is more of a report than a synthesis of ideas.  Their reading skills are preventing them from really processing the material in a way that is conducive to the act of research.  So, I make them read aloud, paragraph by paragraph, moving around the room.

This activity is always met with an almost unanimous groan.  I simply explain to them why I am having them do it.  It doesn't make them hate it any less, but they come to understand why I am asking them to do it.  When we are forthcoming with our students about our methodologies, then we can help them understand the process they are being asked to participate in.  I find they appreciate the heads up.

5.) Student Entry Survey: College students, but particularly community college students, are a busy lot.  They have jobs, families, and other commitments.  I feel it is important to understand the dynamics working for or against my students, so I ask them to fill out a survey that lets me know some of this information.  I ask them what other classes they are taking.  I ask them about their work schedule, their hobbies, and what they hope to get out of my class.  All of this information allows me to build a personality profile for the class as a whole and to be sympathetic to their needs.  It also allows me to choose verbal examples that maybe match their hobbies and interests.

One thing I do include on this survey is a section where they are required to respond to a writing prompt.  They are asked to create a single paragraph in response to a question.  The questions are open and, usually, easy to answer like "Who is your favorite teacher and why?"  This paragraph allows me to understand the students comprehension of what a paragraph is as well as their ability to create complete sentences.

These are the things that launched my class this term: lots of writing, some lecture, and some reading aloud.  I think it is important to keep things fresh by moving from activity to activity, and it is important to set that tone early in the term.  Take it or leave it, but I thought I would share with my fellow teachers out there in cyberspace.

Creativity and Schedules

For the longest time I have fought the idea that creativity actually loves schedules.  I thought I had learned my lesson about this years ago, but I'm finding that I need to revisit some terrain I covered in graduate school.  Here is the realization: I do my best creative work when I work on a schedule.  As such, I have given myself a hard schedule for this coming term.  I will try and follow a hard-edged schedule in an effort to better utilize my time.

I've set time in the morning and the night to write, so I'm hoping to use them both.  The mornings are great for discovery for me.  The editor mind is sleepy and the creative mind is in full dream/free association mode.  At night, my editor mind is more sharply engaged, so I can use each of those times to contrary purposes and really move some work forward.

This effort is a multi-pronged attack on better living.  I need more sleep, more family time, more creative time, etc.  By putting some controls in place on my time, I hope to achieve some of these goals.  Here's a mock-up of my schedule.

As you can see, there are still plenty of openings in the schedule for free time.  When I was an Academic Success Coach at Pacific University, I advised my students to not over-schedule their time.  It is the quickest way to ensure you will not follow through.  By leaving leeway and wiggle room in the schedule, it ensures that you feel like a person with free will and the ability to switch things up if the moment arises.

I begin tomorrow.  I've set up this schedule as an 11-week run in my calendar, so I will be getting calendar reminders about each set of tasks before they begin.  All of this streams to my phone, so I'm hoping for a greater accountability to myself and my personal goals.

What kind of calendaring and scheduling tasks do you engage in?  Let me know your suggestions in the comments below.

The Road to Finals

The last two weeks have been a flurry of grading and student conferences.  As such, I haven't been able to dedicate much time to the blog, but I will be redoubling my efforts in the coming weeks.

In the weeks leading up to the end of a term, a teacher's schedule gets quite hectic.  It's also the most exciting time of the term.  I have phone conferences, email conferences, office visits, etc.  Each of these meetings usually begins with the student asking questions about how they pass their class, what their grade is, or other things I can't blame them for being concerned about.

Then, the conversation turns to the writing.

When the conversation finally comes around to the purpose of the class, I get the chance to really see how far these students have come in the few short months they are in my care.  I've been so encouraged by the conversations I've had with this current batch of students.  They've really been paying attention and working hard.  I can see it in their drafts, in their understanding of what it is they are doing, and the types of hard questions they are asking about how to better develop their individual topics.

It's an exciting time of year.  It's a busy time of year, but you'll be hearing from me soon.

Zen and the Art of Waiting Tables

Tenth Anniversary weekend at the Wild Hare Saloon and Café is officially over, and I’m a little sad to see it go.  I worked the whole weekend—Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  Saturday was the big hootenanny with the Gentlemen’s Club Band and they tore it up!  The night was so much fun full of music, dancing, familiar faces, and a real celebration of our time together as the Wild Hare community.  I couldn’t have asked for a better party, but Saturdays inevitably turn to Sundays, and I found myself back at the Hare.

Photo courtesy of the Wild Hare

In an effort to be responsible, I left my rig at the Hare.  Since Shea had a birthday party to go to on Sunday afternoon, I wound up coming to the hare over two hours before my shift began.  I walked into the 10th anniversary party part 2 as many of the folks from the night before were there for breakfast and drinking down the mimosas.  The energy in the room was high, almost electric with excitement carried over from the night before.  I joined a large table of friends and ordered myself a big ol’ burger to help me fuel up for my coming shift.  After talking and laughing for a while, I retired to the back to read my book and enjoy some quiet time.  It wasn’t meant to be.

One of our servers was blindsided by a family emergency in the middle of her shift, so I scooted her out the door and jumped out into the restaurant to lend a hand.  It was a nice Sunday afternoon with the party going on and a few other families having a late lunch/early supper.  It was the opposite of a normal Sunday. Normally the energy of the shift starts slow and ramps up to the dinner rush.  This shift was due to present me with all kinds of exceptions to the rule.

First, I caught up on the other server’s closing work, got the place tidied up a bit and hit the floor.  It wasn’t long before we were full to capacity in the restaurant and the bar.  I had to hit the ground running.  After a few awkward moments of trying to figure out what was going on, I thought I was getting everything under control, although I have to admit that I had a bit of anxiety about my service as I felt a little fuzzy headed. That’s when the wine glass happened.

Photo provided by HC Online

As I was collecting a tray full of new drinks off the bar, I turned to make my way to the table.  The sound of glass breaking was what made me aware of my blunder.  In my attempt to hustle, I had spun around too quickly and l launched a full glass of wine over the edge of my tray.  It crashed to the floor and sent glass shards across the floor of the bar area.  My heart dropped.  I was already feeling behind the gun a little bit, and now I would have to find broom, dustpan, mop, and gracious apologies for those who were sitting near the spill.  It wasn’t what I needed in that moment.

With the help of my gracious server, Melissa, we got the mess cleaned up lickity split, and I had a new glass of Wine by Joe sitting on my tray as I made my second attempt to navigate my way out on to the floor.  I was feeling totally unsettled, adrift, floating into the weeds, afraid I would drop the ball and give someone bad service.  That’s when I had my moment of zen.  

As I was entering dinner orders into the computer, my thoughts clamored through my to-do list.  I was unorganized, shaken, and ready to freak out.  The energy from earlier, the daytime server’s personal anxiety, the wine glass, and a couple of other situations had set me to work with bad energy.  I was anxious when I didn’t have to be.  The thought crossed my mind, “It’s just burgers and fries, Kyle.”  This is one emergency mantra of the management at the Wild Hare.  We use it to try and calm down servers in just this situation. It’s a reminder to not get too overwhelmed, to calm down, to have fun, to smile for Chrissake.  I decided to take my own advice.

While I had about seven things to do in that exact moment, I stopped.  I turned from the computer, surveyed the restaurant, looked over the customers and their tables, counted heads, and just took in the scene.  I wasn’t making a mental checklist.  I wasn’t freaking out about what was going to come next.  I just watched them for a moment and realized they had no clue I was panicking.  The way I figured it, if they aren’t upset, then I have no reason to be upset.  I took another deep breath and walked back out on to the floor.

The next day, the daytime server said she waited on a couple at lunch who had been in the night before. They had such a great experience the night before that they decided to come in for lunch.  They told her, “The gentleman who waited on us did such a good job.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I don’t know which table they sat at or who they were, but it just proves that sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and forge ahead.  There’s no need to let anxiety rule.  Breathe.   Breathe.  Maybe it’s all just burgers and fries after all.

Image courtesy of Lifetasteslikefood.com

Work Life Balance

Any time one decides to take on extra work, an additional project, or just a couple hours of overtime, the threat of upsetting the work-life balance becomes immediately real.  In the last couple of weeks, I have found this to be true.  Like a new romance, new endeavors can have their romantic period, a time flush with the fever of the new and unknown.  A project can be seductive, distracting a person from his normal mental routines and causing him to become a touch obsessive about the object.  The danger here is losing track of all other aspects one's life.  With this in mind, I began researching work-life balance to see if others had similar experiences and/or tips for remaining balanced in periods of change.  Here is one man I've found who asks some of the same questions.

His name is Alain de Botton, and he is a writer who brings philosophy into the everyday.  He is also the founder of the School of Life, which is a social enterprise that questions the basics of life and tries to make learning and therapy relevant.  I first found him on GoodReads when I ran into this quote:

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life."

I wasn't on a roll in terms of finding those tips that would lead to a greater sense of balance between work and the rest of my life.  I was encouraged by this quote though; it validated something I've been experiencing lately.  For example, sleep is something that is taking the back seat these days.  About twice a week, I am up at 3:30 a.m. working on new material or reading books like Jay Baer's Youtility, but I am also up at 6:30 to get Shea ready for school.  It isn't a lot of sleep, but I do feel pretty good because I'm working on things I enjoy, on a new direction for the family.

What this does provide me though is a fair bit of anxiety.  New projects and new endeavors, change of any kind really, can be nerve-racking, and I do sense that I am a little wound up.  That's when I dug a little further into Alain de Botton and found his TedTalk.  

If you aren't familiar with Ted.com, then you need to follow the link immediately.  There are talks on all kinds of subjects available there.  Everyone will find something they enjoy.  After all, their motto is "ideas worth spreading."  But that is a little off topic.

After a couple of minutes of listening to his talk, I found this quote, “It’s perhaps easier now than ever before to make a good living.  It’s perhaps harder than ever before to stay calm, to be free of career anxiety…”  In all my talks with friends, family, customers at the bar, and students at the college, this does seem to be true.  So many people I talk to have this anxiety in one form or another, so I wonder what it is I am chasing.  What ideal of work-life balance is there out there?  

It isn't that the idea is unimportant, but it is an ideal that may be un-achievable if one is working hard at challenging one's self.  This feeds into Alain de Botton's concept of success and failure that he talks about in his Ted Talk.  I'll be working on this balance my whole life because I know myself well enough to know that I'm always in search of the next challenge, the next adventure.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my time with my family and friends, but I am willing to lose maybe an hour or two of sleep in pursuit of the next challenge that presents itself.