***I tried this experiment with Shea a couple of months back and forgot to post. Here it is.***
We've been talking a bit about feelings in the Lang household these days, and it isn't always an easy go. I've got a 10 year-old girl who is going through lots of different things in her life, and I always want to be close to her. She expressed some interest in blogging with me and contributing here. Here's what we came up with:
Me: What would you like to write about? It should probably have something to do with fathers and daughters.
Her: (after taking a moment to think to herself) How you can get into disagreements but fathers always come back.
Me: What does that mean to you?
Her: That means that fathers always come back.
Me: What do you mean "come back"?
Her: Like after work, come back.
Me: Why is that important after having an argument?
Her: Because that way we know that we love each other.
Me: Is it hard sometimes to talk about things you disagree about?
Her: Yes.
Me: Why is that? Why is it hard do you think?
Her: I actually don't know.
Me: Is it hard to talk about difficult feelings?
Her: Mmhmm.
Me: Can you describe a feeling that is difficult to talk about?
Her: Sadness.
Me: Why is sadness hard?
Her: I don't know.
Me: Is it because it feels like a big feeling?
Her: I really don't know.
Me: Is it overwhelming sometimes?
Her: Nope.
Me: I'm going to have to start getting some longer answers here, honey.
Her: You start.
Me: Ok. I know that when I feel sad, I can sometimes get real quiet because I don't know how to talk about my sadness without making other people feel bad, or that they need to fix it. What about you?
Her: I don't know.
Me: Do you want to pick a different topic to write about?
Her: No. It's fine.
Me: So can you say anything more about sadness?
Her: Sadness is just a weird feeling.
Me: Weird how?
Her: I don't know how it is weird, but it is weird.
Me: Do you feel it often?
Her: No.
Me: What about happiness? Is it easier to talk about happiness?
Her: Mmhmm
Me: So what you could you say about that? When do you feel happy?
Her: Like when you win an OBOB (Oregon Battle of the Books) battle.
Me: Are there any other times you feel happiness?
Her: When someone does something nice for you?
Me: That does feel good. What about when you do something nice for somebody else?
Her: That makes them feel good.
Me: Does it also make you feel good?
Her: Mmhmm
Me: Is there anything else?
Her: Nope.
Me: So, what else would you like to say about fathers and daughters? (silence) Is this hard?
Her: Yes.
Me: So do you want to stop?
Her: Would that be ok? Is that ok with you?
Me: Yes.
I think I didn't post this originally because I thought it didn't add up to much, but as I sit and look at it now, I realize that it was an important conversation/exercise for me to have with my daughter. We didn't get to any profound realizations, but she knows that I am open to discussion on what may seem like hard topics to her.
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