Promise-ary Note: Reading and my new assignment

I've been working toward finishing the book "The Magician King" by Lev Grossman for my promise last week.  I've made good progress, but I'm not going to make it in my week time frame.  I'll need an extra day or two to get it done.  When I get done, I'll be posting a review of the book.  The first book was one of my favorites of last year, so I have high expectations for this sequel.

In the meantime, I've chosen my new promise for the coming week, and I've also had a chance to complete it already.

I'm excited to report my time with Shea, with photos, but I'll save that for a later post.  It's been fun having a "You and Me" day like she and I used to always share.  More on that later.

Personal Note: Turning It Off

We all have our "it."  For me, it appears to be work.  I am a worker born and bred.  I work a lot.  I work for money AND I work for self-satisfaction.  Because of this, I sometimes have a hard time "turning it off" and focusing on other things.  This can lead to dysfunction in other areas of my life, whether it be my relationships, my health, or my free time.

I was, of course, working today, looking up the relationship of Hector and Achilles from the Trojan War because there was a reference to it in my students' reading assignment. As a result of looking up these mythic heroes, I landed on a post on a Christian website by Gene Veith as he discussed the two heroes in relationship to an article by Mark Edmundson entitled "Do Sports Build Character?" The two men used the myth of Hector and Achilles to illuminate different aspects of character, different aspects of what it means to be human, and I found myself sliding down the internet rabbit hole and becoming obsessed with an idea that led to a click here, a website there, and eventually a detour into my own blog.

The point is this, and it comes from Mark Edmundson himself, "...what is most appealing about Hector—and about a certain kind of athlete and warrior. Hector can turn it off. He can stop being the manslayer that he needs to be out on the windy plains of Troy and become a humane husband and father. The scene shows him in his dual nature—warrior and man of thought and feeling. In a sense, he is the figure that every fighter and athlete should emulate. He is the Navy Seal or Green Beret who would never kill a prisoner, the fearless fighter who could never harm a woman or a child. In the symbolic world of sports, where the horrors and the triumphs of combat are only mimicked, he is the one who comports himself with extreme gentleness off the field, who never speaks ill of an opponent, who never complains, never whines."  

Much of what I obsess about in my personal life is this exact dynamic.  How do I ambitiously pursue the things I want in life while still being a "man of thought and feeling"?  How do I create a life that is stable and loving for my family and friends while still maintaining my teeth-bared, no-holds-barred, I'm-going-to-get-mine attitude toward my writing and my career?  The answer is simple.  I can be both things.  I am allowed to be both things.  These are not aspects that are necessarily in conflict with each other, but they are aspects of being a person that need to be "activated" in their appropriate times and places.  

I can be Hector the warrior and I can be Hector the father.  My daughter will learn from seeing both sides of me.  She will come to understand tenderness, but she will also understand strength, but, most importantly, she'll come to know that there is a time and a place for each of them.

Promise-ary Note: Homemade Erotica (Not Really)

A couple of weeks ago, I drew a promise that required that I develop further intimacy with my wife.  While this week's promise didn't exactly ask the same thing of me, I believe it was a pleasant side effect of the task.  My task was to...

The problem with my drawn task was that we had just cleaned the house a couple of days before, so it was relatively clean and neat.  So, what is a guy to do?  Well, if we extend the definition of "house" to include the property surrounding the house, then there are plenty of things I can do to help out and take some of the load off my wife.  

I had recently had a conversation with a friend, and they brought up a book they saw called, "Porn for Women."  The book was filled with pictures of men engaged in housekeeping chores.  I decided to take some liberties with the concept and have a photo shoot of my own.  Some of the photo credits belong to Shea, as she helped me snap a couple of photos.

Helping with the laundry.

Man wields toilet brush.

Bright and shiny!

Getting ready to mow!

Almost done!

Making time to help around the house does wonders for my relationship with my wife, but it also does wonders for me.  When I know things are done, crossed off the to-do list, then I am able to relax and enjoy myself around the house.  I don't have reoccurring nagging thoughts that seem to keep me up at night.   I don't have a sense of guilt and shame for not getting those things done.  

I'm a busy dude.  I don't say that as a means of excuse, but rather as a way of understanding the reason why I have such strong feelings about helping around the house.  I have a myriad of commitments that keep me away from the house, and so when I don't make time to help out around the house, then I tend to feel poorly about myself and my relationships.  I feel like my obligations are not met, so I have to make sure to dedicate time to engaging at home.  

While it may seem small and insignificant to some, it is a big deal for me because if I can't help around the house, then the workload falls squarely on my wife's shoulders.  In the midst of working the two jobs, writing, and other familial/social commitments, my responsibility lies firmly at home, and, like most things, I have to find a way to have a work/life balance.  

This week's task reminded me of my commitment to home and family, not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically, through my actions.  It is one more way I need to be present in my life.

Next week's task:

Promise-ary Post: Dropping off the Grid

My latest promise was to be a little selfish and drop off the grid.  This proved a little harder than I thought.  First, in order to drop off the grid, I needed to ensure that all of my responsibilities were done for the week.  I caught up on grading, made sure my family was good, and that the restaurant didn't have any emergencies.  When all was said and done, I was able to turn my phone off and head to Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

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While I was in the theater, my phone buzzed twice.  Once was a call from my wife and one was a call from the owner of the restaurant where I work.  As much as I wanted to get off the grid, my life wasn't letting me.  As a result, I've taken the last two weeks to get away from the internet, the blog, and social media as a whole.  I peeked in here and there, but I did not engage with it on the level I normally do.

What did I learn from this?

Well, I learned it is my natural state to be "unplugged."  I love being untethered from the multiple avenues of stimuli that bombard me every day.  I've kept up with my promises, kept engaged with work and with family, and I haven't noticed a large negative side to the "loss" of my electronic life.  It puts things into perspective for me and I feel like I may try and find other opportunities to unplug in the near future.  The weeks I've been offline have been fulfilling ones and I've used the time to do some fun things with family and friends.

It's not a bad thing to wean ourselves off our devices every now and then.

As I was working on putting this post together and looking at ways in which I could frame it, I found this post from a blogger in Australia.  While I don't agree with the entire breakdown of the post, I do find much of what she has to say enlightening.

The promise post that followed "dropping off the grid" was to clean the house.  Domestic work leads to domestic bliss, right?

Promise-ary Note: The New Promise

This weeks promise is about disappearing, about being off the grid and allowing my time to be my own.  I serve a lot of roles in my life, and it takes up a lot of my time, so disappearing is rarely an option.  I'm off to serve my own needs for a bit.

Promise-ary Note: My Recipe for Time Together

Last week's promise presented the challenge of promoting intimacy with my wife.  What this meant to me is that I needed dedicated time with Tracy, time where the two of us could simply hang out, chat,relax a little and remember why we work together as a couple.  The promise wasn't a move against a deterioration in the relationship, but it was meant to be an affirmation of sorts.  With our schedules, it is hard at times to find time that is dedicated solely to the two of us.  Work, parenting, obligations to family and friends often mean that our alone time is diminished.  With this being true, I decided to create a simple day where Tracy and I  got to spend time enjoying each other's company.  What's the recipe?  Well, here you got?

Add 1 Cup Forethought: I wanted to create a special day for Tracy.  The best way to do this is to plan in advance.  As such, I put a couple of things in place in advance.  I searched on Groupon  for a restaurant where the two of us could have a nice meal together.  I made reservations for seven so we didn't have to rush either.

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Groupon had a deal for Amadeus Restaurant in Milwaukie.  They bill themselves as the "Most Romantic Restaurant in Portland."  While I might quibble about that specific detail, it is a lovely restaurant with white linens and a menu full of "old school" German/Austrian cuisine (aka lots of rich sauces).  The whole day was going to use our dinner reservations as a destination, a final landing point of our day together.  With this piece in place, I was able to assemble the rest of the ingredients that were necessary for a day dedicated to one's spouse.

For a Light Texture to the Day, Add a Heavy Dose of Unstructured Time: When planning a day like this, it is really easy to overload the day with different events.  I didn't want to do that.  I wanted our time together to be relaxing and fun.  As such, Tracy and I started off our childless day on the couch under a down comforter sipping coffee for about an hour or so.  I didn't rush to get her out the door, but rather spent the morning relaxing and getting ready for what was coming next.  It was serene and peaceful and intimate. Everything I'd hoped for from the day.

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After that, we needed to get some fuel in our bodies in order to start the day off right.  I didn't want to spend too much time on brunch, so we kept it super simple with some authentic tacos and lengua burritos at Super Torta in Oregon City.  This quaint little restaurant serves some of the best food around.  While it may not look like much, this business has their food down to a science.  It is a must try if you are in Oregon City.

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After filling our bodies with delicious Mexican food and hot sauce, we set off for Portland's Saturday Market.  Tracy and I do best when we are simply free to chat and converse in casual environments, and Saturday Market is a great place to people watch, browse, and simply spend some time in the sun.  We walked almost the entire market, stopping here and there, and simply enjoying each other's company.  When we got done with the market, we didn't want the browsing to end, so we headed up to Northwest 23rd for some more walking, shopping, and people watching.

When we arrived, we were met with this tragic young panhandler.

Keepin' Portland Weird, Ariel

Northwest 23rd Street is a hip little neighborhood filled with shops, restaurants, and, when it is the first really sunny day in the Spring in Portland, gobs of people.  We marched up and down the sidewalks, peeking in windows, chatting each other up, and simply having a good time laughing with each other.

While I had planned the trip to Saturday Market, 23rd was an unscheduled stop.  This was okay because I hadn't packed the day full of activities for us to do.  Instead, we went where the day took us, and the day took us to Northwest 23rd and this crazy fun hat shop: Goorin Brothers.  I even wound up pushing my boundaries a bit and scoring these two new hats.

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For Bubbly Conversation, Add Cocktails and Good Food: After all that walking, Tracy and I were thirsty, so we made a pit stop in the Nob Hill Bar and Grill.  After a quick cocktail that threatened to melt Tracy's face off, we hit the road from NW 23rd in search of somewhere a little quieter.  We wound up further down in the Pearl District in a little place called Piattino.

Meat and Cheese Plate at Piattino

This restaurant was probably our favorite stop of the day, had it not been for a couple of weird interactions with the patrons, but the cocktails were amazing and the food was too.  We spent our time talking over cocktails and reconnecting in general.

All in all, the day was a great one and I enjoyed having some private time with my wife.  We needed a little dose of grown up time.  I need to make the time to do these sorts of things with my wife in order to make sure that we are grounded and connected.  I like doing things like this for her.  It's nice to remind her that I think she is special and she's deserving of my undivided attention.

Mission accomplished!

Father Notes: Raw Egg Shea

As a parent, you have to allow your children to experiment. At dinner the other night, Shea decided to tell us all the things she would eat raw.  Beef, chicken, pretty much any kind of birds, but not dogs or cats, or pretty much any other animal that could be deemed "cute."

Tracy and I were quizzing her back and forth when Tracy said, "Would you eat a raw egg?"  Shea didn't have to think about it for long.  She said, "Yes."  I immediately got up from the kitchen table, got a raw egg out of the fridge, and held it up for her.

"You would eat this?" I asked.

"Yes," Shea said with absolute certainty.

"Do you want to eat it?"

"Yes," she said.

"If I crack this egg, then you have to eat it," I replied.  Tracy sat there watching the give and take, nodding.

"Ok," Shea said.  I cracked the egg.

This is what followed:

She was a trooper about the whole thing, not backing down from the challenge.  I don't think she'll be asking for any raw eggs in the future, but I was proud of her for following through on her word.  She did a great job.

Some people wouldn't feed their kid the raw egg.  They'd worry about an uncooked egg making their kid sick, but what is life without a little risk.  She wouldn't get that ill.  Plus, it was pure comedy watching her choke that thing back.  "I think I'm gonna barf" is my favorite part.  I can't wait to show her this when she is in her teens.

Here's the final shot: