So, after considering what I put down yesterday I realized that I didn't include much about the life I'm currently living outside of school and writing and I thought I would address that today. I am blessed to have a one month old baby girl in my life right now and a mother who is so amazing that I can't quite catch my breath sometimes. I am a very fortunate man to have been blessed with the people in my life. Tracy has been by my side every step of the way since we met back in 2000. I can't believe that's when we started dating! I had never dated a girl for longer than a year when I met Tracy. I just never quite found someone who fit with me and I'm not the type of guy to try putting a square peg into a round hole for very long and I often ended my relationships early instead of dragging them on past their prime.
Tracy is a great match for me because she is so different from me. I am flighty, always bouncing from one thing to another, not very forward thinking and all around a pain in the ass. Tracy is the calming influence on my life and she slows me down long enough to take a step forward towards the things I dream after. She is always planning and helping me to see that there are a set number of steps between myself and my goals and that each journey begins with that first one.
Also, she is such a caretaker. I have never met anyone who thinks about other people's needs as much as Tracy. Sometimes it can be annoying (when she doesn't take care of herself) but her loving heart is one of the things that drew me to her. I like to think that I am a caring individual, invested in the happiness of those around me but when I look at Tracy, when I see how she cares, I feel like an amateur. I don't know what I would do without her.
Now, Tracy has given me the gift of Shea, our daughter. This one month old bundle of love has changed me in ways that I'm not sure I comprehend. Even during the pregnancy I could feel things shifting around inside of me, questions arising about what kind of man do I want to be for my family. These are things that I never thought about in such concrete terms but now I think about often. I want to be a loving husband and father. I want to provide for my wife and daughter the necessary amounts of comfort and love that they need to be free to be who they want in their lives. I don't want to be a hinderance to their dreams. I want to be the feul that helps them ignite the night sky with the power of their dreams. I want to be a man, secure and true, and powerful enough to give those I love the freedom to know themselves without fear of consequence.
So, there's my rap for today. It took a turn on me there, but I'm doing these as somewhat timed exercises and then just publishing them wholesale out into the world. Hope these words mean something because at times, they are the things that help me to endure.
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