Poopy Diapers

Shea is quiet for a majority of the day, which is somewhat typical but there is something about her silence today that is unsettling. There is no way of communicating with her to see if she doesn't feel well so at this point it is all guess work. She is not running a fever though. The day is set off balance by her silence.

In the afternoon, after a day of trying to get a rise out of her, a smile or a laugh, I put her into her bouncy chair which doesn't seem to impress. Until, for no real reason at all, she begins to bounce with a big smile on her face. I'm so pleased to see her animated that I fall to the floor in front of the chair and begin making faces, cooing and enjoying Shea's good mood.

Then, the smell hits me. I am used to her smell and am not caught off guard by it often but this time there is a new quality to the smell and I pull her from the bouncy chair settling her onto my forearm with a squish. Her dress has ridden up and my forearm is covered in a stinky wetness I won't describe further but it's REALLY wet.

By the time I get her to the changing table, the smell is consuming me and I've now realized that she has made so much that it has risen up her back and over the top of the diaper. There are wet spots on her dress that mark tainted territories. I can't lay her on her back on the changing table until I get the dress off of her and do some damage control. I'm debating how this is to be done when I just decide to hose her off. It's bath time.

I strip her in the bathroom, setting the tainted garments in the sink and I clean up Shea with wipes the best I can before setting her in the tub. It takes more wipes than I have ever used before. When I set Shea down in the tub, I'm not too worried about contaminating the bath water. I scrub her up and wash her hair and when we are done Shea is back to her quiet, brooding self that has bothered me all day.

I'm disappointed that we've returned to this brooding silence but then something occurs to me that I haven't thought of before. While I will always be a fighter on the side of Shea's happiness, there are going to be times where I am going to have to do what is best for her and not what will make her happy in the moment. I don't like the idea.

I like the idea that I get to be her playmate, her confidante and partner in crime but that is not the case. I'm the parent here. I'm going to have to be the one to make hard decisions that are based on the OVERALL happiness of my child. I've never been a good big picture player but I'm going to have to learn. Yet another door opening in front of me. A threshold I will have to cross in order to be the parent I want to be but also the parent Shea needs me to be.