So, after I spit out all the venom that was holding me back from the page last night, I settled in nicely to an evening of revision. I decided to go farther back to stories I had written in the previous semester and take a look at revising those stories, making them more complete and putting to test the things I have learned since writing them. It's amazing what a couple of months can do to your perspective. These stories were laden with mistakes that I've grown to recognize in this semester and revision was eventful.
When I dig into one of my older stories, mining the page for what is at stake, the story can open up to you and possibilities then become apparent. I had this experience last night with a story I really like but have totally fucked up the ending. In going back and starting at the first sentence, I discovered all new choices that were available to my characters. In fact, some characters changed gender, some went from lovers to family members and all dialogue got pared down to just the most essential pieces that moved the story forward.
It was an experience that I hadn't had in quite a while. I have been so focused on creating new work that I have let myself stray away from the revision process. It can be just as creative as the birthing a new story from scratch. I found myself rewriting whole sections of my story last night, excited about the new direction it was taking. A little distance from my own writing is a good thing for me. I hadn't taken a hard look at this story in a long time and my dialogue jumped out at me as trite and unnecessary in sections so I cut that, cut unnecessary interactions, characters, etc.
The whole thing is shaping up nicely in the beginning and the middle but now I am at the end of the story and I've had to completely chop off the ending and start fresh, so I'm trying to sit inside Erik's head and feel around in there to see what he would do next. To be honest, I can feel him moving in a direction that makes me uncomfortable and I need to keep my focus and not blink in the face of what happens next. I need to stare down the beast of my own discomfort and be true to where Erik is at and what needs to happen next.
So, all in all, a good night of productive revision and a satisfying experience all around. Some times those free writes where you put all your angst and self-loathing down on paper allows you to move on and be free of it. The moment I put that post out on the blog, I felt better. I hit send, sat down, read one short story and started in on the revision like I'd never missed a beat to begin with. Ahhhhhhhhh.
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