There never seems to be down time. By down time I mean a time where you don't have to concern yourself with the future. A time where you can relax, sit back, take a deep breath and just enjoy being alive. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my life but it seems like I am always casting forward into time, concerned with a deadline, concerned about work, family, money, etc.
Do you remember youth? I remember it in a sepia light, shaded by my own romantic nostalgia for days where I didn't cast myself forward but was rooted with both feet in the immediacy of the now. When a night with a young woman could seem like an eternity of suspended lust and want. That perpetual freezing of time where you knew only desire and felt like it would burn through you like a grass fire in high wind, consuming you in heat and light.
Or moments sitting in the company of a friend or two on a high dock above the Willamette River watching the moon move across the sky and listening to the sprinklers water the golf course behind you. The river would carry the glimmer of the moonlight back to you, refocusing it, illuminating you from below so the shadows fled from your face because the moon above competed with the water below. Conversation would be quick and passionate. They would encompass the whole of your world which was made of your friends and it would be early in summer and we could believe it was going to last forever. Your friend would laugh and lay back on the dock, arms thrown out to the side and try to embrace the night and did.
I miss that time where I could disregard words like commitment, obligation and job.
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