Promise-ary note: You and Me Days

In my house, we have a tradition of "You and Me" days.  These are days dedicated to Shea.  My promise for the week was to spend some dedicated time with my daughter.  It may sound ridiculous to have to promise this, or to give it such a finite and specific time frame, but in the modern life, it is easy to lose track of yourself and your attention.  As such, I liked putting a specific time frame on it, a way of keeping myself accountable.

Last Friday was a free day for Shea.  Her school observes Good Friday, so she her day, and mine, were free to do what we wanted.  She spent the night at her grandparents house the night before, so Tracy and I could go experience the awesome-ness that was "Captain America: The Winter Soldier".  I promised her that I would pick her up at 11 after I got some work done and the "You and Me" day would begin.

When I arrived at the in-laws house, she was ready to go!  She was excited to have me all to herself, and I was excited too.  She quickly got dressed, combed her hair, and literally dragged me along to the truck as we waved goodbye to her grandparents over our shoulders.  The day had begun.

First stop, Red Robin for a quick bite of lunch.  Shea had eaten a late breakfast, so she wasn't hungry, but I hadn't eaten a thing.  As a compromise for being patient while I ate, She scored this:

Strawberry milkshake deliciousness

She barely drank any of it, claiming it was too sweet.  Shea doesn't get a lot of sugar, so things like this can kind of be an overload.  While we sat in the booth, Shea told me about school, made up stories about the different decorations around the restaurant, and simply caught me up on her life.  She was on OUTPUT!  I don't think she stopped talking the whole time we were there.  It was nice to hear about her friends, how she was getting along at school, and just listening to how big she is getting.  She's beginning to have a sense of fairness-unfairness about the world, and some of those distinctions bother her at times.

After lunch, we were off to the Family Fun Center in Wilsonville.  Tracy, Shea, and I have been here a couple of times now.  We've celebrated birthdays with Shea's friends and just popped in as a family for a little bit of mini-golf.  It's a great place to hang and play if it isn't too busy.

Because she's been there a couple of times, Shea knew exactly what she wanted to do.  She shot across the arcade the minute we were inside the doors and ran to the bowling game she loves so much.

Ready for some frames!

I made a concerted effort to keep my phone in my pocket pretty much the whole time we were there (beyond snapping a picture or two).  We played arcade games, climbed through the KidZone play structure, shot some mini-golf, and played a wall-sized version of Connect Four, which was a big hit for her.  What surprised me was how good she'd gotten at the game.  She didn't need any encouragement from me on where to place her pieces.  She's grasping concepts and strategies more and more all the time.

While the point of all of this is to simply make myself available to Shea, I reap a ton of rewards as well.  When I give dedicated time to her in unusual environments, then I get to see her capacities in a whole new light.  My little girl is growing up fast, and her development is only accelerating.  I was amazed at how social and outgoing she was with other kids in the KidZone.  She was especially sensitive to the little kids, making sure they were doing okay and giving up her turn on slides and things so that they could go first.

While mini-golf was more a comedy of errors than anything else, I can see her working her body in new and interesting ways, which is a blessing for a father who has watched her go through years of physical and occupational therapy.

Fore!

She was crushing the ball, and starting to get a sense of form down (when she wasn't running after the ball and smacking it willy-nilly!).

More than anything else, I walked away from the day realizing how much more of a conversational partner she is these days.  She tracks stories really well, remembering interesting details and pieces of dialogue.  She has a sense of social justice, or fairness, that exceeds anything I think I was aware of at that age.  There are times when I wonder if this is because she is slightly "different" from the other kids, has other challenges, and so she sees the world in a way I don't fully understand.

When we got in the truck after the Fun Center, she turned to me and said, "Can we have another You and Me day?  This is only our first one this year."  It simultaneously thrilled me and broke my heart.  I thrilled at the thought that my daughter loves having this time together, that she seeks it out, and isn't growing up too fast.  It breaks my heart because it is April.  It is April and I haven't made the special effort to organize a day where I make her feel special too.  I'm with her a lot.  We are together as a family a lot; it isn't that she doesn't have time with me.  It is that I haven't made that special and concerted effort to carve out a space for her that is unique, special, and, above all else, fun.

I'm going to work harder to find my way to her, to find the space in my days to take her to the park, to take her on a hike, to hit up the zoo.  You and Me days are not about extravagance or spectacle; they are about making sure that one of the most special people in my life knows that they are.

In the days that followed, Shea dropped a couple of heart bombs on me.  She said, "Do you know what I love the most about you?  That you are nice and kind to everyone." Heart palpitations nearly killed me.  This was followed a couple of days later by, "I love you, daddy.  I just wanted you to know that."  We were driving to school and it came out of her completely unprompted, just a spontaneous expression of her affection.  This closeness, this bond of affection, is built on You and Me days.  It's built on the idea that love is paying attention.  If you love something, you pay attention to it.  Simple as that.  I need to make sure she feels my attention.  If she does, then she'll never doubt my love.

I wonder what we'll do next?