Writer's Notes: Purpose

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I have been casting about for a while, seeking purpose with my fiction writing.  I've attempted two novels, casting both aside, and reset my purpose toward a concept I believe has merit, has value.  When I initially conceived myself as a writer, I did so with the idea that I would be a "serious literary author."  I put it in quotes because I've come to realize what a mental construct that is, what a fabrication of identity.  What I want is to write striking prose that is close to what I like to read.

So, what is that?

I've found that I really enjoy the worlds of sci-fi and fantasy.  

Within some literary communities, the worlds of sci-fi and fantasy get labeled under the banner of "genre writing."  At times, genre writing can be looked down upon, seen as subservient to the literary scene.  I'm slowly realizing that I don't care.  I didn't become a writer to serve the needs of ego and arbitrary judgments about genre.  I became a writer to birth the stories that dwell inside of me.  As such, I need to listen to the voices that dwell inside of me and write like the authors who inspire me, who draw me along through their pages effortlessly.

Much of the anxiety that surrounds this issue is due to insecurity.  My own.  I've been holding on to an outdated conception of myself as artist, to an identity that was founded before I knew myself through years of practicing craft.  Because I have spent so much time dwelling on this issue, fighting against what I now see as my plain desire, I am slowly peeling past the layers of insecurity and settling in to a writing practice that is sustainable and passion-fueled.  

It is not an end spot I'm facing now, but a new beginning.  I have been reading a lot of books that inspire me lately, finding voices like mine in the larger publishing world, and I take great comfort in that.  I've been working on a concept for some time, finding tools that will help me advance my idea (You might remember a recent post about the book Wonderbook).  Slowly but surely, I'll take my first tentative steps into this new world I've begun building, and I hope the process is a fulfilling one.  I've dwelt upon these concepts for a while now and it is time to birth it.  

It's going to be a long and tough road, but I think I have the wherewithal to navigate it now.  The blog has been a soothing presence, a place where I can work past a lot of things that normally block me up, and I appreciate you, my readers, for helping me to find that I have a voice that can work for audiences.  In addition to the larger fiction project, I've also started to build a concept of how this blog can, for me, develop into a larger nonfiction project.  

The creative juices are flowing; inspiration has landed, and now it is time to practice the old "butt-in-seat" method of writing.  This method is about coming to the computer whether or not inspiration has taken residence in my office.  It is not about flashes of brilliance provided by the muse, but about the long and steady hours of dedication it takes in order to accomplish a dream.

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Brenda Ueland, in her essay "Everyone is Talented, Original and Has Something Important to Say", says, "Think of how many times Kreisler has practiced trills.  If you will write as many words as Kreisler has practiced trills I prophesy that you will win the Nobel Prize in ten years."  I don't care about the accolades of the Nobel Prize, but I get Euland's point.  Writing, and writing well, is about practice, about long hours of dedication to the craft, the skill, and I'm ready to put the hours in.  Ueland's essay may be about writing, but I would say it is more encouragement to let go and take a risk.  What a gift she left us.