A Sloppy "Come to Jesus"

Everyone I know balances a multitude of relationships.  We all have expectations that arise from each and every one of these.  For the most part, they run like clockwork.  There's a hiccup every now and again, but overall they run fluidly.

Then again, there are those moments where our relationships are not fluid.  They are disjointed and chaotic.  I recently had a conversation with some friends where it was identified that I should have a "Come To Jesus" moment.  Loosely translated this meant a conversation of meaning.  A reaffirmation of intention.  I took their advice.

What did this mean?  Well, in this particular moment, it meant a drunken declaration of affairs.  It meant an awkward conversation where neither party wanted to participate.  It was awful.  It was hurtful.   It was...honest. 

For those involved, what did it mean?  It meant a reckoning.  It meant a facing of facts.  A REAL conversation.  It meant hurt feelings.  It meant resentment.  It meant a jumping off point for everything that comes after.

For me, it meant reaffirming the fact that even though I am having an argument, I can still be arguing FOR something and not against it.  Sometime when we are at our wits end, it means fighting for the things that still have meaning.  It means fighting for the person for whom we have meaning.  It means being bitter in order to be loving.  It means being angry in order to be happy.  It means having all of those acidic moments and still coming out the back side with something to be hopeful for.

I fear anger.  I do.  I don't like feeling angry.  I don't like feeling like I want to punch a wall.   These are things I classify, normally, as primitive, unevolved, non-me.  But, there are times where I am angry.  Maybe I've been angry for a long time, and the only way I have to escape that prison is to be angry.  We live in an era of pop psychology where, especially for men, we are taught that anger is inappropriate.  We are taught that it serves no positive function.

I am here to tell all men that anger does serve a function, but it is in the healthy expression of said anger that we are able to move forward.  It is only through communication that anything worth while is conveyed.

I've had "Part I" of my "Come To Jesus" moment.  I've confessed.  Now, I'm on the road to Damascus.  I'm on the road to regaining sight.  I'm on the road to reconciling my soul. 

Props to A.K. and R.P. for some well played advice.

A long road to hoe ahead, but the first step has been taken.