I'm having a hard time focusing on the papers I'm meant to grade right now. The last couple of weeks have left me feeling drained. It's not attributable to anything in specific but more like a perfect storm of conditions that seem to build and hit all at once.
At school I'm holding down an overtime load. I'm teaching four intensive writing courses which means stacks upon stacks of essays at any given time. I'm swimming in essays right now. I have about 90 in my bag right now that need to be graded. Add to that the individual student needs, extensions, concessions, guilt trips, whining, etc and you'll see where an abundance of my energy goes.
At home Tracy and I have had to shoulder the stress of a major medical appointment this week. Shea had to go in for an ultrasound appointment that might have led to major surgery involving her bladder and kidneys. While the appointment went well, no major surgery, it didn't go as we'd hoped. While she doesn't have to undergo major surgery she does have to have a small procedure that involves anaesthesia but doesn't involve opening her up. It's a small victory, but we were hoping that her reflux would have resolved itself and her kidneys would have grown at a regular rate. While we've been able to exhale a bit, my shoulders still ride high from some of the residual tension and worry that is wrapped up in her overall health.
Don't get me wrong. She's healthy. I don't want anyone to panic. It's just that there are a couple of things we need to "stay on top of" and those things carry residual anxiety, those of you who are parents will easily understand what I'm talking about.
Add to that the day to day obligations of family and extended family and you'll begin to be able to piece together why I'm riding a little low on energy these days. I just don't feel like I have much to offer anyone right now. It's hard to say "no" to family, friends, students, etc. At least it's hard for me. I don't ask people for things but I'm going to start asking for my energy back. I have to start protecting myself a little bit. It's a down cycle, I know, but these troughs of energy require that I set some boundaries.
Tonight, I'm playing cards with friends. I'm taking the night to myself. I'm hoping the free time will serve me well and find me rested tomorrow.
Now I feel guilty to have added to your load this week, my friend. I wish I could grade thirty of those papers for you. Hang in there. You'll make it through. December is right around the corner.
ReplyDelete