The Not-A-Complete Idiot's Guide to Home Improvement

Nothing in the world makes me feel as inept as home improvement projects.  I am a man of reasonably moderate intellect and critical thinking skills.  I understand geometry, math, a reasonable amount of mechanics, etc.  So, why is it that every time I try and do something in my own home it takes me twice as long as is reasonable?

For months my house has been in various stages of remodel.  It is functional, clean, and tidy, but it isn't complete.  Due to some pressure from an as-of-yet-unnamed-in-law's threat to come over and do the work his or her self, I decided that I would move the project forward to avoid the shame of having said in-law working on a project that I have the means and the time to do myself.  Simple enough, right?

Wrong.

The project is a simple one: attach the baseboards to the walls of my kitchen, dining room, and entryway.  The supplies needed?  Air compressor, nail gun, extension cord, stained floorboard, and compressor cable.  Check all the way around!  I'd picked up the supplies yesterday and felt reasonably confident that I was going to knock this project out of the park.

When I started working, the kitchen came together quickly.  I'd already measured and cut all the floorboards to length, so it was simply a matter of finding out where the stained floorboards went.  (Note to self: after cutting floorboards to length, write a clue to where they go on the back with a permanent pen or something.  It'll save you 20 minutes of walking around your house looking for where they go.)  Once I got all the floor boards in position, it was simply a matter of a couple of finishing brads to attach them to the wall, right?

Right.  And...

Right.

So, where does the idiot part come in?  Thanks for asking my astute audience.  The idiot part comes in once I realize that I have all the floorboards I need except for one.  Part of the remodel discovered a "vent to nowhere."  This vent was positioned under the door leading to the furnace.  It was not an air return as the inside of the vent compartment was framed in.  There was no air draw.  So, I decided to dry wall over it instead of having this awkward nowhere vent in the middle of my hallway.  As you can see here.

In my exuberance to dry wall over the hole in the wall, I forgot to cut and stain a piece of floorboard and a piece of door molding to cover it up.  So, my project is done except for another trip to Home Depot for extra door molding (forgot to buy it last time) and floorboard (I was so impressed that I bought the "perfect" amount).  After I cut them exactly to length and stain them, I can finish, but my "simple" little project just got expanded by about 2 hours.

Thank you, universe.  I get it now.  I'm an idiot.  Well, the rest of the house is pretty much complete!  I'll take some comfort with that.

The next chapter of "The Not-A-Complete Idiot's Guide to Home Improvement" will cover tile back splashes.  I can't wait to get my hands on that tile saw!!!  Be nervous, y'all.  Be very, very nervous.